B'ings: Car Commercials

 

            Hey, all, welcome (back if you truly like my pointless drivel) to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! As oft is the case, you are reading a piece by myself, Tim Cubbin.

            First off, let’s talk about why I’m here typing for hours trying to come up with cohesion which you will be done reading in two minutes (if you actually stay for the whole piece, I know I’m boring, but if you actually make it to the last three words in this post, you are THE BEST!). I actually happen to be qualified as a journalist. I went to college, majored in English, minored in journalism. I’m totally certified. So why am I doing this blog instead of writing for a newspaper or reading the teleprompter in a cable news studio? I’m actually legally disabled, seizures and brain damage. Finding a job in my condition is very difficult, but I want to write and have people read what I write, so I do this blog semiprofessionally. I don’t actually get paid, but I spend my time doing regular thirty-some-odd day-to-day activities and am writing a young adult novel series, and when I’m not doing that, I’m working on this blog out of the goodness of my heart for absolutely no money payment. I’m nice like that.

            If you’ve ever been here before, I’ve promised frequent posts, but it’s been a while since I posted. I do have a good explanation for that. I injured my hand really badly, so badly I don’t think you want to know. Because of this, I couldn’t type, and I didn’t want to have anyone else type for me, so I took a hiatus. But now I’m back! You might have noticed I’ve done two other posts frequently (actually on the same day I started this post), and a few other reviews when my hand allowed it, but nothing in the way of B’ings.

            If you haven’t been to a B’ing before, you probably don’t know what the heck a B’ing is. Well, it’s a dirty word minus four letters, which is a slang synonym for complaining. I honestly hope you now know what I mean, but if you don’t, I can’t help you there.

            You may have noticed I’m a little snarky when I write. It’s just my personality, me being me, but actually a lot nicer than I often am. I keep my jokes genial, just for fun without being seriously insulting. If you know me personally (as some of you readers might, and you are reading this out of a sense of obligation because we’re friends or family), you know how I am. I try to add a piece of myself in all my writing, fiction or nonfiction.

This is what I consider an editorial. You may want to classify this as an essay, but this is what I’m calling it, so there it is. I also write essays, being an English major and spending ten years in college. But I don’t personally think of B’ings as essays.

I also say that everything on my blog is my own personal, Tim Cubbin opinion. I’m not expecting you to read this and say “gee, Tim Cubbin makes a good point, I agree with him!” I’m actually expecting for you to feel otherwise. I just tell you like I feel since this is From MY mind. If you don’t agree with what I type, I leave that up to you, but I hope you still want to read past this point.

Anyhoo, I’ve given a super-long introduction and you probably want to get to the good stuff, why we’re actually here. Yes, I lured you here with the promise of me complaining about car commercials. (If you’re actually still here with me reading this, you are THE BEST!) So what could I possibly mean? I actually have two points to make. The first is car safety features. The second is what cars are doing in the commercials.

Let’s start with car safety features. I’ll pick a few for example, explain why I’m complaining, then I’ll move on to my second pointless point.

How about self-parking? Being disabled, I can’t drive, but I pay lots of attention to commercials and have opinions on just about every one I see. So, have you seen commercials that show cars parking themselves? I wouldn’t want to trust that. Having seen people parallel-park and having difficulty, how accurate do you think a machine can be? You need to take several things into consideration when you park.

One: The size of your car. Two: The size of the cars surrounding where you want to park. And three: The amount of room you have for the parking space. I don’t feel like a car would be able to account for these three considerations on its own. So much with that can go wrong. So I feel it’s dangerous, not just for your car, but the cars surrounding your car. It doesn’t seem to me like the entire precision can be executed perfectly.

Next, how about automatic braking? You have cars that if it detects danger in front of the car and automatically stops the car to avoid forward collision. But what about backward collision? Sure, YOUR car stops to protect it from what’s in front of it, but if your car automatically stops and you have cars BEHIND you. Their car might not have automatic braking. Which means… CRASH! You’re rear-ended! In THEORY it seems safe, but in actual EXECUTION, there does seem to me that you might just have a wee bit of a problem.

Or, let’s think about lane control? Your car may be drifting off to the side, and it might compute that you’re driving over the lane and automatically turn to fit the lane. But what if you need to pass someone? Your car might compute that you’re out of your lane and drive you right into the car you’re trying to pass.

And, let’s think about self-driving cars? Would you trust your car to drive itself? There are so many factors that go into driving, like other cars, traffic lights, stops, yields, traffic circles, speed limits, crossings, detours, so much that can go wrong. A car is a machine that can’t properly think for itself. Would you trust that? I certainly don’t! UNLESS! EVERY car on the road was self-driving. Hey, maybe that would somewhat prevent accidents? But for some people, they love driving. I’ve been in cars with plenty of people who drive for a living and love their job. (I’m on Medicaid that covers my car trips to my doctor’s appointments, so I know firsthand how the drivers working for the companies they work for.) Some people feel like driving is fun. And yes, you have people who race professionally (and not like the maniacs on my street at night who cause at least one accident a year). Do you honestly want to have a joy or a passion stripped away from you? I sure wouldn’t. So not only would a person have a dangerous travel if cars drove themselves, the fun aspect just wouldn’t be there.

Next, we’re going to discuss content shown in car commercials. Some commercials actually show cars speeding. You might see a car in a commercial flying by at 100 MPH! YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THAT! I see no reason for a car to drive over 80 MPH (in my opinion even over 75 MPH is too fast at times). I mean, sure, you have a speed gauge, but it should not be going as fast as it is in some car commercials.

Another pointless feeling is also showing cars doing things they shouldn’t be doing. The commercials show that you CAN ride off-road, after crazy obstacles, and stunts; but that truly does not mean that you SHOULD. Sure you CAN decide to stick your tongue onto a flagpole in winter just to prove it won’t freeze your tongue to it, but SHOULD you do it. There would be germs all over it, you could get sick, and it is actually possibly for your tongue to stick, “A Christmas Story” does not lie on that (I’ve never tried it, but I have a friend I PERSONALLY have do it because he COULD do it, and he totally regretted that choice). I have plenty of other anecdotes, but some would be either too graphic that this blog site would not allow it, or else this post would get even more boring than it already is (I’m even bored writing this, but unfortunately I got this far so that not finishing this post is not an option). Doing these could actually be really dangerous. You could be doing these activities and might not be able to regret doing them if they go wrong.

My point is, some of the things you see in car commercials that seem useful, fun, cool, what-have-you, but the content in car commercials just don’t seem practical to me. But again, because of my disability, I can’t drive, I haven’t seen through a driver’s position (well, actually I did once park my dad’s car in his garage and I was so nervous because I knew if I even scratched the car, I’d be paying for it for the rest of my life and managed to park perfectly, but driving felt like so much pressure to me), so all of this is just my passenger-seat view, and you honestly don’t have to listen or agree with me on anything I’ve typed, and I welcome your disagreement and feedback.

So now, we’re wrapping this horrible editorial up, but first, I have a few things to say (at the top of the list is that if you’re still reading this up to this point, you are THE BEST!). This blog, as I said, contains book reviews, essays, editorials, original short nonfiction and short fiction, original poetry, all kinds of other content, so if you liked this post (and honestly, I’m surprised if you did because even I didn’t like typing this post after breaching 1,000 words, but I just couldn’t leave this post behind me) feel free to check out some of my other work. I keep busy and try to post frequently so you readers have something to read as I’m sure some of you are quite demanding and want more From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin, so I hope you keep reading, I’d love to hear from you, feel free to comment, like, share, retweet, whatever you can do on the platform you found this post on, and until next time, Tim Cubbin… out!

B'ings: Teeth

            Howdy, y’all, and welcome (possibly back, if you’ve been here before) to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! Reporting today is Tim Cubbin, manager of this blog!

            Okay, so, I have to say, it’s been quite a while since I did one of these B’ings. I’d been doing a lot of reviews in my more recent posts and have been completely ignoring B’ings, so I thought it was high time to do another one of these.

            So, in the past couple of months, my cat passed away, and I sustained a pretty serious injury (which I’m sure y’all don’t want to hear about, so we’ll just skip that), so I’ve been off the grid. But I’m recovered enough to come back to the blog, so here I am now.

            Now, I know some of you might have no idea what, exactly, a B’ing is. I don’t like to use profanity on this blog, I keep it G-Rated, but think of a dirty word, drop the last four letters, and make it an action, and I think you might have figured out what a B’ing is now. If you don’t get it, just think of this as a complaint department. So a B’ing is where I take a peeve of mine and go on and on in a pointless fashion, and if you actually read this whole post, you are THE BEST! Sometimes there actually IS a relevancy, but most of the time, you might wonder why I actually do these things. Well, I went to college, I have a degree in English with a minor in journalism, and am officially a journalist. But I am legally disabled and getting a job isn’t possible, so in my spare time I read, watch shows and movies, and play video games, and yes, I write (I’m working on a young adult novel series right now, and I totally plan on getting published, so expect to eventually go to a book store and find my name on the cover), so I keep busy. So, a journalist without a job is pretty boring, so to get my words out, I write this blog. And I do it for free out of the kindness of my heart, so you are totally lucky you get to read this drivel, and you taking the time to read this is greatly appreciated.

            I now tell you that EVERYTHING on this blog is MY OWN PERSONAL opinion. I don’t expect you to understand or agree with what I say. In fact, I welcome you to disagree with me. That is the beauty of being a human being. We all have our own opinions. This is all just mine.

            Now, you can probably get the point (more like pointlessness) of this post. You’re here because: 1) You are a regular reader of this blog and read everything I write; 2) You are a friend of mine on Facebook and thought you wanted to check this out; or 3) You saw the # and are intrigued by this. Whyever you’re here, you’re here and that means a lot to me. But yes, I gave the title “B’ings: Teeth,” and that is what I am here today to talk about.

            Do you notice that everyone now must have perfect, shiny, white teeth? It’s totally expected these days. But when did that become a requirement? In my day, you were happy just not having cavities. Or gingivitis. The dentist didn’t tell you how shiny your teeth were, just how healthy they were. You didn’t have to look in the mirror every morning, shine the light on it and be like “bling!” I mean, people don’t smile if they smoke or drink coffee because it’s embarrassing that their teeth don’t shine. If your teeth aren’t shiny white, you have an ugly smile. When did this start? When I was in high school, we didn’t have whitening toothpaste, or whitening strips, or whitening trays, or tooth polish, or anything like that. We had for sensitivity and gingivitis and whatnot, but whitening? Not a thing. Then I’m in my third year of college and all the commercials come on and it’s like, a big deal. And here’s a little known fact: All those extra things except toothpaste made for whitening your teeth? They’re abrasive. Each time you put those things on, you’re eroding your enamel. So sure you’re making your teeth LOOK good, but you’re not making your teeth HEALTHY! I went to college embarrassed of my teeth. I come from a lower-class family and I couldn’t afford a dentist, so I brushed my teeth three times a day using a different kind of toothpaste each time. In the morning I did sensitivity. After lunch in between class, I used enamel restoring toothpaste. At night I used whitening toothpaste. Unfortunately, I had a major problem that toothpaste just couldn’t fix: I was on the medication Lithium. Lithium contains a very high level of salt in it. This ate away at my teeth. I was on Lithium since 2002 and taken off in 2020, and no matter how much I brushed, it just didn’t work. As a market research interviewer, I did a lot of paperwork and dealt with a lot of people every day. I tried to hold my lips a certain way so no one saw the horror in my mouth, but it never worked. People saw, and it was extremely embarrassing. I was finally put on disability, with Medicaid and Medicare and could get dental work, but it wasn’t enough. I had to have every tooth extracted all at once. Not pleasant and not a good story, so we’ll leave that alone. I finally got dentures. Fun fact: You can actually pick a color when your dentures are being made. And no, you don’t just go to the dentist two times and have your dentures. It takes six fitting sessions over the span of several months, and you don’t just pop them in and out as you have to use seal so they stay in your mouth and the paste does not come off easy. In all honesty, I never wear my dentures, I find them extremely uncomfortable. But when I picked out my color, I picked what seems like an odd choice, and did not pick perfect white. I wanted them to look natural and made them off-white. So when I look at people and see “perfect” teeth, it hurts me mentally. And back in my day, we had braces. Metal braces. That they stuck to your teeth to fix the position so your teeth were steady to make sure your teeth had a proper formation, and you might have needed them for years. Now you have those things you pop in your mouth at night to fix the position. In my day, we didn’t have that. (And, oh, my gosh, I’m saying “in my day” a lot. I’m SO OLD!) And let’s talk about losing teeth as children. You know those scenes in movies where they tie something around a loose tooth and use a heavy weight to yank it out? DON’T DO THAT! It DOES NOT work! I’ve heard of people getting seriously hurt doing that. Especially if the tooth is not loose, but the kid wants the Tooth Fairy to come, as that will cause permanent damage, so DO NOT encourage such behavior. I know we can’t control what our kids watch these days, but a lot of shows and movies show it and it is not a safe thing to do. I actually have firsthand experience and believe me, it was NOT fun. If a tooth is loose, don’t fiddle with it. (Although, in all honesty, if you’re reading this, you’ve probably shed all your baby teeth and this is kind of pointless to say, but I’m still saying it anyway). I used to yank them out, and the results were not pleasant. The best way to do it is to wiggle it back and forth with your tongue. So if you’re an adult, teach this to your kids, it’s very important to know. And also, let’s talk about the Tooth Fairy. In my day (again, I’m old), I got a dollar per tooth. And my mum took my fallen-out tooth right after I lost it, put it in a little plastic bag, put a dollar in a bag exactly like it when I wasn’t looking, and swapped the bags before putting the money bag under my pillow. So parents, this is a good tactic and works very well. Now, I don’t know how much parents these days give for a lost tooth. In my mum’s day, she got a quarter. Now kids probably get an obscene amount such as five dollars these days. (Gotta love inflation.) And also, kids are now con artists. They know the Tooth Fairy isn’t real, but know how to work parents to get money anyway. Kids these days don’t believe in anything (Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Great Pumpkin, to name a few), they just want the presents. (And now I’m saying “kids these days,” I AM old!) But telling young kids about them being made up can now be considered emotionally scarring, so just go along with it.

            And I would be remiss if I complained about teeth and not mention dentists. Going to the dentist, well, I’d rather have gotten stuck in the DMV for seven hours then deal with that scraping hook. Lucky me, I don’t have to go to the dentist anymore, but yeah, going to the dentist? Not fun. And going to the dentist is important, don’t let your kids tell you they don’t want to go, and if you want, you can tell them my story, that’s horrifying enough to make your kids want to go, having every tooth in your mouth pulled out all at once, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. (Okay, maybe I would for some people, but I will keep them to myself.) Novocain only does just so much. But, I mean, let’s face it, who ACTUALLY WANTS to go to the dentist? (If you answer yes, I would actually dislocate my jaw in surprise.) I don’t think even dentists want to go to the dentist. Pretty sadistic job, in my opinion. I don’t know if any of you agree or disagree with me, like I said, this is all my own personal opinion, feel however you want to about everything I’ve just typed, I welcome dissent. And if you are on medications, going to the dentist is extremely important, I would know the effects if you don’t, as much as you hate it.

            Okay, hopefully you don’t equate this post as painful as having a tooth pulled, but I think we should start wrapping this up. If you’re still reading this post up to this point, thank you, you are THE BEST. Now, for those of you who have never been to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin before, I will say that I do not just write these stupid things. I write reviews of mostly Marvel Comics books and comics, and I have done literally dozens of them. I also write short fiction and nonfiction, I actually have an idea high up on this to-do list, I have a whole bunch of index cards right now with ideas I have to tackle, as I had been injured really badly and couldn’t write. I also have some poetry on this blog (even though I personally hate, don’t understand and can’t format, do I do free-verse poetry in mostly epic poetry format). I also write pieces about mental health, illness, and wellness, which are actually important topics, but don’t get many reads. I post often. Like I said, have plenty of ideas. There’s plenty to find on this blog to like and enjoy, and now I’ll finish off with three more simple words: Tim Cubbin… out! 

B'ings: Math in Schools

            Hey, guys, welcome to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! I’m your guide through this monologue for the next few minutes, and I just happen to be Tim Cubbin. Huh? Imagine that.

            Okay, if you’ve read one of my B’ings before, y’all know the deal. For those who have no idea what a B’ing is… well, I’ll let you see if you can figure it out as you read this, and if you still don’t know what a B’ing is before the end of this editorial… well, I have failed as a blogger.

            Anyway, you’ve seen the title “Math in Schools.” Now, you can imagine this going in two ways. Way one: Math is awesome! Way two: Math is torture! Let’s be clear about this: I am not going to force you to agree with me in this editorial. You have your opinion, this is just me exercising mine in this post. So at the end, this can also go two ways. Way one: Gee, Tim Cubbin has a point, I totally agree with him! Way two: Tim Cubbin is a hack, he’s totally wrong about this! I leave you to feel however you want to feel. If you agree with me by the end of reading this editorial (and I totally hope you’ll read this whole blathering), then that’s awesome! If, however, you disagree with me, that’s fine, I respect your stance! No one can agree on everything. That’s just how things are.

            Anyway, let’s start: What is/was your favorite subject in school? My answer is English, I have a degree in journalism. I’ve been unable to actually professionally use it, which is actually why I do this blog, to get my words out there. It’s been like performers during COVID-19 (I don’t know how long this blog will stay active for, but if it is for, like, a hundred years, you might have no idea what I’m talking about, which I’m actually hoping for because it means this pandemic of my time is over and long forgotten, and THAT would be a perfect world). I have a friend who is a concert singer. Since the start of COVID-19 with the quarantine, she’s been unable to perform in concerts professionally, so sometimes she actually does half hour performances on the internet for no pay because she loves and is dedicated to her fans and wants to entertain them through this crisis. That’s what I do with this blog. But I digress, this probably is not what you wanted to read. Now, I know some of you are sitting here agreeing with me, but a majority probably does not share my preference. I know some of you say science. That’s awesome, I loved science myself, particularly biology and forensics (yes, my high school had a forensics class, which was AWESOME!)! Some of you may think social studies, like history, geography, economics, and politics. Not my thing, but if this was your favorite subject, that’s awesome, I had some really great social studies teachers that made it fun. Some of you may say health. My immature classmates totally ruined that class for me, but I’m sure many of you had great teachers and classmates who did not laugh when certain words and body parts were spoken. I know some of you may be saying physical education. I totally wish I had athletic talents, but sadly, I don’t, but I did ace my college basketball class, so I’m not totally useless. Wait, wait! Dodgeball! I was great at dodgeball in elementary school… but that was over twenty years ago (I know, I’m old), and I’m now disabled, so I am no longer in my prime. But I had the most awesome gym teacher in high school which actually did make gym fun, despite being… unskilled, so my lack of athleticism didn’t detract from enjoying it three times a week. Now, let’s go to the reason you’re here. There are folks reading this who say the absolute best class they teach at schools is mathematics. Now, some of you may read the last sentence and question the sanity of the people who agree with this last sentence. I say, if you think math is the best class that you can take in school is math, you are THE BEST! That said, math was actually my worst subject in school, which is why I think those who love math are awesome because math classes are totally hard and if you’re good at it, you have skills! I totally struggled with math in college, which actually brought my G.P.A. down quite a bit, so if you ace math in college, you are TOTALLY AWESOME! (Note I usually say THE BEST and not TOTALLY AWESOME, but I think THE BEST is redundant, so I changed it up a bit!)

Now, let’s get to my main point: the necessity of math in schools. Some of you who do not have the math gift wonder why they have to take it in school? To you, I say “There is a need to take math in school.” HOWEVER! Certain types of math seem superfluous to instill into students. Elementary school students totally need the knowledge of basic math. Addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, order of operations, beginner algebra are all things EVERYONE NEEDS to get through life. (Well, that was elementary school math when I was in elementary school twenty-eight years ago, I know they’ve changed it up quite a bit since my time. My associate’s degree is in elementary education and the “math for elementary teachers” classes blew my mind that a great portion of the topics I didn’t even learn in college-level algebra, so if those topics are now instilled to elementary school students, I am SO, SO sorry my youth was easier to them!) I know many elementary school students struggle with the concept of algebra, as I did, and wonder “Why do I need to learn this? I’ll never use it in my life?” If they say that, I will respond “YOU DEFINITELY NEED TO LEARN THIS!” I use algebra EVERY DAY for some reason or another. There are ALWAYS going to be variables that occur to you on a very regular basis, and algebra is something you NEED! If you’re a school student and are reading this, this is something you must know to get through life. I know it’s hard, I didn’t master algebra until way into high school, and it takes a while to fully get a grasp on it, but it’s doable. BUT! And this is a VERY BIG BUT! I do feel that certain math subjects aren’t a necessity in life. Calculus and trigonometry were my archenemies in school. Every day doing my homework in high school, I thought “Why do I need to know this?” My answer is: You don’t! These are not parts of typical day to day operations for EVERY person on the planet. Maybe it will come up in your life on occasion and knowing it will be very helpful, but I think it is only needed for specific professions. So, in my opinion, these should NOT be required learning in school. My high school mandate three years of math courses. All I honestly needed to know to get to this point in my life ended after my second year of math in high school. The third year of math covered topics I have NEVER used since then and also hurt my G.P.A. It was superfluous and difficult and annoying and torturous and frustrating. My profession as a journalist has never needed to use those math skills. So again: Why did I need to learn this? Honestly, I didn’t. This advanced level of mathematics does not come up in everyday life for EVERY single student on the planet. BUT! There are professions that do require these skills. For me, it was one of those classes like “I’m only learning this just to get through this class.” I felt that way about college French, too. I learned enough French to get through the class, and thirteen years later, I remember very little of it, I just learned enough to pass the class and forgot most of it. Not ALL! But MOST! That’s another required class students sometimes wonder “Why do I need to know this?” Again, there are professions that REQUIRE it, but it just doesn’t seem to be a necessity. But that’s not what we’re talking about here. This is about math. For those learning math in high school who are struggling with calculus and trig, work hard at it, do your best, then you can forget you ever learned it sixteen years later. Oh, but from my third year of high school math: statistics. THAT is something helpful. Learn THAT! You WILL NEED it at points in your life. Other than that, you probably don’t need to know.

There’s another thing I’d like to address before you are returned to your freedom: homework. A lot of kids struggle with their homework. Their parents/guardians are usually the first people kids turn to for help with their homework. They help with spelling and grammar and reading and things pertaining to English (if you live in an English speaking country, which, if you’re reading this, you probably do because I’m writing this in English), social studies, science, and health, no major problems, these concepts are something parents/guardians can do with their kids. But math? Like I said, I had difficulty with math in school. And the concepts they teach in schools change all the time. So when I had difficulty with math, I was in trouble. I lived with my mom. Sure she’s a bookkeeper, so she has experience. But the concepts I had to study were like another language she didn’t speak, so I was on my own. When I was in ninth grade, I had a teacher who every morning would take the homework questions, put them on the white board, and pick students to do the problems in front of the whole class. We had to do “show the work.” You couldn’t just put the answer on the board, you had to show the process you went through to get your answer. So if you didn’t do your homework or got the answer wrong, the whole class knew. Oddly enough, she never collected homework, so the students most likely not to do the homework were picked to solve the hardest questions so you HAD to do the homework as she would likely call on you if she thought you wouldn’t. So, yes, I would do the homework and pray she wouldn’t call on me to answer the questions. It was embarrassing, humiliating, demeaning, (you come up with more words if you want, but I thought those three words were good ones). (Okay, I get it, I said I only had one more thing to talk about, I guess that was two, I wasn’t sure where I was going when I started this paragraph, so if I bored you, I apologize). Back to my main point: if I had difficulty with my math homework, I was on my own. I mean, I was on my own anyway because I lived with a single parent who worked late and didn’t have the time to help me with my homework, and I know there are plenty of you who have/had this same problem and totally get what I’m saying, so if you were in this situation, I’m sure plenty of you can relate to this paragraph and may even agree with this entire paragraph, but for those who can’t relate, this is just my childhood struggle and I hope you get where I’m coming from. I mean, some of you reading this editorial are math wizzes and have no connection with me here and I may even just be typing to myself at the moment, but I’m still sharing my perspective.

So, yeah, I’m going to let you go now. Just a few more things I have to say to you first before you can go about your life. I’m a pretty prolific blogger, I’ve done over sixty posts at the time of my typing this, and these B’ing editorials are not the only things I do. I do essays about topics such as mental illness since I’m bipolar. I write short stories. I haven’t done one recently, so I’m going to jump on that soon. I also have been known to write free-verse poetry (poetry with no rules, so I don’t have to rhyme or have to keep all my lines similar lengths or have a definitive structure or anything, which some of you might think is a cop out, but maybe you can compare this to epic poems, I’m just not epic). I am a huge Marvel comics fan and I write tons of reviews of graphic novel trade paperbacks, Marvel prose novels, and Marvel comic events, so if you like Marvel you should totally look into reading those. And that’s just some of the things I do, I have plenty of content to post, so if you liked this, totally come back. If you found this post on Twitter, totally follow me, retweet this post, comment, whatever you can do on Twitter (I only use Twitter for self-promotion so I’m totally not up to date on the features). Feel free to comment on this blog page if you can. If you’re on Facebook, I’d love it if you’d share this link (since if you’re reading this on Facebook you personally know me or friended me on a group page, but if this interests you and you think your friends would like this post, totally spread the word). Do whatever, but I’d appreciate it if you get me out there. So, yeah, that’s it for now, so I finish with the three words (and you’ll know them if you’ve ever read something I’ve written before): Tim Cubbin… out! 

B'ings: Must Watch/Can't Miss

            Howdy, one and all! I welcome you to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! I’m your guide, Tim Cubbin!

            Okay, you have noticed that this post is called “B’ings: Must Watch/Can’t Miss!” For those of you who have never been to this blog before and/or have never read one of my B’ings before, I’ll explain (and if you fit those qualifications, I have no idea how you are here, this has to have been my weakest tags in my entire blogging career, so I will tell you, you are THE BEST!). I keep this blog G-Rated, so B’ing is a shorter version of a word I refuse to use for a blog title. There is absolutely no significance for a B’ing, it’s just me complaining pointlessly for the time it takes me to write this post. What can I say but I’m very opinionated and I like to complain. Speaking of opinions, newbies, a B’ing is all MY opinion. I totally DO NOT expect you to agree with me. I respect that YOU have YOUR OWN opinions. So if you’re reading my blathering, you are THE BEST! I appreciate you. I appreciate all my readers. I know I have several regulars who love my work and keep coming back, and I have family and personal friends who read out of obligation to me, but if you don’t fit either of those billings, again, you are THE BEST! Okay, I think that’s enough thanking you for a few paragraphs, let’s just get to my pointless point.

            Who here watches television? (If you say yes, I can’t hear you, so you probably shouldn’t say “yes” out loud, just think it and let’s go to my next question). Who here watches commercials on television? (I think I’ve just lost 90% of the people who thought yes to my last question, but that question is actually more important than the first, so we might have a hiccup there, but I hope you’ll please just keep reading anyway.) If you mentally said yes to question two, that’s great. Now we have another question: Who here has ever seen a commercial on television that advertises a television show or film? (If you say yes to that, then we’re perfect on this front.) Final question: Who here has ever seen a commercial on television that advertises a television show or film that claims a television show or film is a “must watch” or “can’t miss” or has the word “everyone” in it? (If you can say yes to this question, we’re golden, you’ll actually see where I’m coming from). Okay, say we have a commercial advertising a new television show coming up and say it’s a “must watch” show, or an upcoming movie the announcer says it’s a “can’t miss.” So I have to watch it? So I have to see it? What happens if I don’t? What if when the show airs I don’t turn it on, or don’t DVR it, or watch something else in the same time slot, or don’t go to On Demand or Hulu to watch it if I don’t watch it when it first airs? What if I say that this “can’t miss” film is something I don’t want to see and don’t pay the extravagant ticket price, or I don’t buy the DVD, Blu-ray, Digital Copy, or if I don’t watch it on streaming or television?  What’s going to happen? Will the world end? Will I die? What dire consequences will occur since I decide not to watch it or see it? Why is it imperative to watch or see it? Am I going to be demoted in social standing, or have bad luck, or have something unspeakable happen to the important people in my life? Am I now branded lesser? Will my friends or family shun me? What’s so essential that I have to watch or see it? HONESTLY? WHAT? In my honest opinion, the worst that can happen is I can’t join in the conversation of the show/film, and if I don’t want to watch/see it, why is that of any consequence? WHY? WHYYY? (Okay, that was a tad dramatic, but I just had to sell it.) And in some commercials, they say things like “everyone’s talking about…” So, I’m not everyone? Am I a horrible creature or amoeba or lesser being for not viewing the show/film? I don’t think so. And could someone PLEASE tell me what “Rotten Tomatoes” or “Certified Fresh” even means? (Honestly, leave a comment explaining it if you know what it means, I really want to know.) Why are all these claims important? Why are these baseless taglines put in commercials? They are just not true!

            So let’s get to our conclusion. You might now be wondering “Why did I just waste the past few minutes of my time reading this drivel?” If you are, I honestly don’t blame you. I mean, there’s absolutely NO POINT to what I just wrote. But if you actually read this pointless drivel, then you are THE BEST! You actually stayed to read this whole thing! THANK YOU SO MUCH! But maybe you think that I have a point? Maybe you’ve thought about this the way I have? Maybe you’re thinking “Gee, I never thought of that before. Tim Cubbin is right.” (Okay, honestly I doubt you’re thinking I’m right, but I’m trying to sell this.) But some of you may actually agree with me on this one. If you do, you, gentle reader, are THE BEST! But, like I said at the start of this editorial, I’m just pointlessly complaining. You have your own opinions, this is just mine, I can’t expect you to have even gotten ANYTHING out of our past few minutes together, but whatever. It is what it is. Anyway, if you, by some odd chance, enjoyed this, I have had plenty of other pointless rants you can check out, as well as essays about mental illness (which actually do have a point). I’m a huge Marvel Comics fan and I write tons of reviews about Marvel graphic and prose novels. I’m a writer, I write short fiction and nonfiction and poetry. I’ve done so much for this blog, maybe you’ll find something you’ll enjoy. As for all this, you can React, Comment, Retweet, Share, Follow, whatever you want to do on this site, and I’ll be back. I have three more words to finish this editorial off: Tim Cubbin… out! 

B'ings: Phone Numbers

            Howdy, y’all, and welcome to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin (I have no idea why I say “howdy, y’all,” I’m a born and bred suburban New Yorker, and we might feature my accents in other posts, but that’s NOT why we’re here this time, we’re here about… well, we’re going to get to it in a few sentences). You probably have figured out I’m Tim Cubbin… or am I? I could be someone talking about Tim Cubbin, or using the name Tim Cubbin as a pseudonym… but I actually AM Tim Cubbin in this case, so yeah, that puts that to bed.

            Anywhoo (does anyone say that anymore, or am I just old. I’m more inclined to say the latter option is what is the truth), let’s discuss what I am talking about in the title of this post: “B’ing: Phone Numbers.” Some of you have been here before, so y’all know what a B’ing is, but I know there are some of you who are just curious by reading the title or tags on whatever led you here, so I feel an exposition is required (and I love using fancy words, I am a licensed journalist with no true job, but I want to write, so I write for you guys for free, you thank you for coming, thank me for doing this out of the goodness of my heart), so I’ll give you one. A “B’ing” is an abbreviation of a word I don’t want to use as this blog is G-Rated, but it also translates to “complaint,” which I’ve probably used as a tag to lure you here (I write my posts on Microsoft Word then copy and paste to this blog site, so I don’t know ahead of time my tags or hashtags before time. I use Word because as I type it, I keep a professional formatting, Times New Roman, 12 point, double-spaced, as many college students will know from typing their papers), so I hope you know the word I mean. I’M NOT GOING TO SAY IT! Just use your imagination, add four letters after the “B” before the “ing” and you’ll get it. If you haven’t gotten it yet, I hope you’ll learn it before we finish this post. If not… well, then there’s no hope for you (I know, I don’t sound professional. I mean, run-on sentences, snarkiness, grammatical errors don’t seem professional, but they’re actually all done on purpose. I’m not employed by any organizations so I can write however I want, so nyah, nyah to anyone who wants to b’ing about my work)

 I totally leave this up to you now, if you want to like or dislike my work, I can’t force you to accept what is totally going to be my most pointless B’ing so far, and if y’all want to jump off this crazy train, this is our first stop. If you stay on the train, I thank you, and I will tell you how I feel about you after a few more stops.

I hope you’re not getting off at this stop so I can make my pointless point ever.

So, I’m going to talk to you about phone numbers. This is going to be so weird, I promise you this. I’m going to tell you I have bipolar disorder and obsessive/compulsive disorder, so minor things bother me, and when I’m bothered, I write. I’ve written this before, but I’m only posting this draft to the blog less than an hour after I’ve finished I’ve finished composing, so this is what you’re getting to read. I also make lists a lot, so, like I said, I’ve drafted this before, but this is what you get, so I truly hope you’ll be receptive to this post, and if not (and I HATE to say this) you can decide to get off at the next stop, but I thank you if you’ll stay on this crazy train.

And here is our next stop.

Yay, you’re still on the crazy train. Now: phone numbers. I’ll start with the number of numbers. If you live in the United States of America, like me, and know how to use a phone (which I think any two month old or older knows how to do), you know a phone number is composed of eleven numbers. WHY IS A PHONE NUMBER ELEVEN NUMBERS? Is there a significance to this? Does anyone know why? If you do, please leave the reason in a comment, either on this blog site if you have gmail, or a comment on the Twitter site you’re looking at, that’d be AWESOME!

Okay, we’re now at our next stop. I hope you’ll keep on going, as this is only going to get weirder and post more interesting thoughts.

Okay, if you live in the United States and dial a phone number not in the same area code as you (and we will visit this on the next destination on the crazy train), you have to dial the number 1. WHY? WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF 1? If you do know why, tell me and all of my other passengers why because I would honestly like to know.

We’re at our next stop, but we’re nowhere near the end of the line.

Why do we have to dial an area code? And why do people in neighboring cities/towns/villages have an area code nowhere NEAR the area code or your neighboring city/town/village. For example, my area code is 845. The nearest cities/towns/villages to me with a different area code is 914. 845 AND 914 ARE NOWHERE NEAR EACH OTHER! What is the meaning of this? If you know the answer, you know what to do for all the passengers and me, the conductor, because I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!

We’re now at our next stop.

Next question: Why is an area code three numbers? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? And why are there seven digits after this? I’m making up a number, and I honestly hope no one actually has this number and is plagued by other passengers for having this number, so everyone, PLEASE DO NOT call this number. Why is a number like 1-525-671-9918? If you know, you know what to do.

We’ve reached our next stop.

Now we’re going to talk about neighboring numbers. My house actually has two phone lines. And yet, they are nowhere even near being similar! Don’t you think that two numbers IN THE SAME HOUSE would be close to each other? And why don’t my neighbors have a phone number that seems similar? Shouldn’t it be like someone has 1-525-671-9918 as their closest neighbor have 1-525-671-9919? My next door neighbor’s phone number is NOTHING like mine. I find that VERY odd. Again, if you know, please fill myself and everyone else in.

Next stop, but please don’t hop of the crazy train right here.

Okay, now I’ve come to the truest point of this being a B’ing. I have a HUGE pet peeve when it comes to phone numbers. Now, I honestly don’t think you’ll commiserate with me here as this complaint is really stupid, but this is my blog, I’m giving my two cents (why is it two cents, by the way? Such an odd amount). As I said before, I have obsessive/compulsive disorder, and I like things to be exact. So if we accept a phone number as eleven digits, why do some companies take their phone number to spell out a word, and yet have it exceed eleven digits? And how does anyone even get the right to have their phone number spell out a word? That seems really weird? But that’s beside the point. Say we have a lawyer named David Schnitz (I know, dumb name, it just came to me, so that’s what we’re going on about, and if your name is David Schnitz, I apologize if someone calls your number) why answers a lot of questions (I don’t know why I said he’s a lawyer and answers questions, and I honestly hope I didn’t just give you a swamp of phone calls, I just thought lawyer and that’s the career that popped into my head). So somehow, he managed to get the phone number 1-212-ASK-DAVID. Congrats on that, by the way, awesome number. So converting the words into numbers, David Schnitz’s phone number is 1-212-275-32843. THAT’S NOT A TRUE PHONE NUMBER! The last 3 is superfluous! There’s no point to it! I know this nitpicking sounds stupid and minor, but some of us with OCD will be peeved by this. And if you have OCD and have never read one of my B’ings before, feel free to look at more of them as some do address the condition as well, you might find my views compelling to those of us with this disorder.

We’re now at our last stop, but please don’t get off just yet! We’re not at the end of the line yet!

Now we’re going to touch on extensions. Some numbers will require extensions when calling an office to reach specific persons/departments. For example, say have a company called Mind Corporation. Their number is 1-914-682-7941, but they have different departments. So if you want to reach Sally Johnston, the vice president, you dial 1-914-682-7941 and are prompted to dial an extension to reach her, and must dial ext. 974, but if you want to reach James Redding, the CEO, you must dial ext. 841. First off, sometimes the extensions are nowhere near each other. Second, there must be so many possible phone numbers Mind Corporation could acquire, why can’t everyone have their own separate numbers. There’ve got to be so many numbers available, why are extensions required? Seems like a waste to available phone numbers to have extensions.

Welp, this is the end of the line. You’ve stayed with me the whole times, so you are THE BEST! I appreciate you’re still here and stuck with me through this whole ride on the crazy train! You may now hop off, and maybe board another line of crazy trains. I’ve done several B’ings, and there are so much already posted, and so many in my mind to put on this blog, so totally keep coming back. I also write short stories, poetry, editorials (as I AM a journalist), prose/graphic novel reviews, and so much more. You’ve got over sixty more rides you can do, so if you read more of my work, you are THE BEST! And if I wasted several minutes of your time, that’s fine, I can’t expect you to agree with me, you being you, and me being me, this is just my mind and my blog so I’m saying my peace. And as for saying my peace, I’m letting you go with three words: Tim Cubbin… out! 

B'ings: Bounty Paper Towel Commercials Part 2

 

            Hey, you’ve found your way into From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! I’m your guide, Tim Cubbin!

            So, we’re doing this: another B’ing! If you say you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ve done about ten others of this, so feel free to check out other posts, but finish reading this first. Oh, all right, I keep this blog G-Rated, so I’m not going to write out the whole “B’ing” word and now I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination. Of course, some of you already have read my B’ings, so, yeah, you know, but I just had to tell the newbies what I’m talking about, and thank you for your patience.

            So, you may have noticed this is Bounty Paper Towels Commercials Part 2, which obviously means I did another post on this topic (okay, maybe not obviously, I might be tricking you into BELIEVING I’ve done a part one when I actually haven’t. But yes, I did do another post about Bounty Paper Towels Commercials, so I’m not lying). Well, I talked about the commercials four months ago, but there have been new commercials since, so we’re going to talk about them now and I’m going to complain about them. There are some of you who have possibly seen them, so you’ll know what I’m talking about, but some of you don’t watch cable television of DVR your television shows and zip through the commercial breaks so have never seen the commercials I’m about to talk about and will now hear about these commercials for the first time, and if you really want to see them, someone on YouTube probably has them on their pages, so you can look them up and watch them.

            Okay, the first commercial we’re going to analyze is what I will call “The Lottery Ticket.” So it starts with a guy watching a television. He is holding a lottery ticket, listening to the lottery numbers on the television. His wife/girlfriend (the commercial doesn’t confirm their relationship) is going through the mail. He has a drink on the table in front of him, by the way, and this is EXTREMELY important for more of the commercials. The numbers are called one by one. As the numbers are called, he repeats the numbers. He then realizes all his numbers have been called and that they all match, he puts the ticket down and calls out “We won! We won!” and throws up his arms. As he throws up his hands, he knocks over the glass. The drink starts to flow towards the lottery ticket placed down on the table. He screams a long, drawn out “NO!” and throws up his arms. His wife/girlfriend throws the mail in the air and screams a long, drawn out “NO!” The man on the television who read the numbers throws up his hands in front of him and screams a long, drawn out “NO!” Then a roll of paper towels is placed down on the table and the announcer speaks on a voice over (I can’t remember it all, but says that it cleans up messes in several words that probably aren’t needed). Afterwards, the wife/girlfriend walks over to the husband/boyfriend, snatches up the ticket and says “I’ll take that.” I think there’s another voice over, and then the commercial ends. Now, there are three things that bother me in this commercial. First is the ticket on the table. If your winning lottery ticket is on the table, snatch it up as soon as possible. Throwing up your arms in the air while a drink creeps towards your winning lottery ticket is pretty dumb. He totally had enough time to pick it up before the drink reached it. I mean, honestly. The second thing is the man on the television. Why is a man who reads the lottery numbers throwing out his hands and screaming “NO!” when he’s on the TELEVISION? He’s not there, he can’t see the drink creeping towards the winning ticket, so how does he know what’s going on in the room (presumably the kitchen? He has absolutely no reason to scream “NO!” as if he’s there and can see what’s happening. The third thing that bothers me is the roll of Bounty paper towels put down in front of the spill to prevent the ticket from getting soaked. If this happens, you don’t have time to put a paper towel in front of the spill before the winning ticket gets ruined, especially if YOUR ARMS ARE IN THE AIR! I don’t even think that’s possible to get a paper towel in front of a spill, even if your arms aren’t in the air. So, to me, the commercial is just superiorly flawed.

            A second commercial finds a woman looking at a tablet with a younger man (presumably her son) over her shoulder. She is swiping through pictures on an online dating site. She swipes left, saying “No, no, no,” then stops and says “I like him!” She also has a drink next to her tablet. In the process of swiping, she knocks over the drink. The liquid proceeds to spill and creep towards the tablet. The woman screams a long, drawn out “NO!” The younger man screams a long and drawn out “NO!” The man on the tablet screams out a long and drawn out “NO!” Que up the narration and saving of the tablet from the spill the same as the prior commercial. The end of the commercial is brought on as the younger man says “He’s an eight,” to which the older woman says with an emphasis “He’s a nine.” We now have pretty much the same complaints; pick up the tablet, the man on the tablet screaming “No!” when the picture on the tablet is a still image, and getting the tablet protected with paper towels when there’s no possible way to get a paper towel in front of it. Again, like the prior commercial, I feel it’s flawed.

            I do believe that those are the only two new commercials since my previous Bounty paper towels commercial. And if any more commercials hit the television, I’ll probably revisit this for a part 3. So, if you’re here, you’ve made it through my stupidity and are THE BEST! I mean, this whole post is pointless, but I did it anyway, so if you’re here, you either like me or are just very patient. So you can expect more stupidity from me, including more B’ings, prose and graphic novel reviews, short stories, poetry, editorials (I am a certified journalist with no actual current job and I do this blog with no pay out of the kindness of my heart), and plenty of other content, so please come back for more pieces of my mind, and follow, comment (which NO ONE has ever done before), retweet, whatever you can on the platform you used to find this post, and I now say to you, goodbye and Tim Cubbin… out!

B'ings: "Jeopardy!"

 

            Howdy, everyone, welcome (back, I hope) to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin, I am your guide, Tim Cubbin. Kay, we got that established, that’s one of the basics. Next is that this is a B’ing. I’ve done a whole bunch of these already, so if you’ve been here before you likely know what to expect, but for those who don’t, let me help you understand what a B’ing is. Look, this is a G-Rated blog, so using an actual word would go against my policy. Now do you have it? I hope so, or else you need to know American slang (Note, my snarkiness is still going to be used). Next thing to establish is that this is about the television quiz show “Jeopardy!” For those who read my first B’ing, this will likely seem similar, but we’re going to isolate and expand on my previous post. And finally, put it all together and we now have the conclusion that there is something about “Jeopardy!” that bothers me.

            Okay, let’s start with the fact that I LOVE the quiz show, “Jeopardy!” I literally watch it every weeknight on the local syndication network in New York State (although last night the New Jersey gubernatorial debate preempted it, so I couldn’t watch it last night seeing as how IT WASN’T ON!) I am a trivia buff, I have a lot of knowledge in my head, so I always play along from on my couch (I would love to be on the show, but I have to sell myself short here and say there are things I’m weak on, such as history of countries other than the United States, geography, advanced math, anagrams, and before-and-after, so I just don’t think I could quite be able to make my way onto the set). So I’m telling you this is not a complaint about the ENTIRE show in general, but on a few policies involving the show.

            My first complaint is the dollar amounts. For those who don’t know me (which probably most of you don’t, but I know there are a few of you who do), I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I always have to keep things in order, like when watching movie series, I view in order of release date instead of chronological order because there are often details that contradict that I pick up on (I’m a true nitpicker), and don’t get me started on reading comic books, I literally used to take hours deciding on what to read and in what order, and those are just a few to name as I really don’t want to waste your time talking about this here because an OCD post is going to be forthcoming, so we’ll pick up on all that there, all you need to know here is that order is VERY IMPORTANT to me. So now, let’s get onto that. Any viewer of “Jeopardy!” knows that the clue come in money values. The Jeopardy round is $200, $400, $600, $800, and $1000, the double Jeopardy round is $400, $800, $1200, $1600 and $2000. What bothers me is that there is no rule as to which order to pick the dollar amounts in. A player can pick ANY clue on the board on ANY time they choose. So, yeah, if I were on, I’d go from lowest to highest as I am a stickler for order. But there are players who will pick from highest to lowest in dollar values. I will literally growl at the television when the contestants do that, no kidding. But while this does irritate me, going in order exactly from highest dollar value to lowest dollar value doesn’t completely push me over the edge. BUT! If a player starts at, say, $800, then $600, then $1000, then $200, then $400, I will literally scream profanities at the player at the television. This makes my OCD go berserk. I mean, COME ON, there’s ascending dollar value amounts for a reason, not for you to dig around and drive those viewers with OCD insane! Yes, there are the hidden Daily Doubles that can totally jack up your score, and yes they are never at the lowest value and the same category, but it just doesn’t seem right to those with OCD or seem right to how the game seems like it should be played. Now, we’re going to briefly talk about opinions. This is also going to come up in another forthcoming post, so we’re only going to touch on this briefly, but we’re all entitled to our opinions. So you may say that this is a brilliant playing style, and there are people who agree with this, heck I agree with this, but to me it feels like there should be ascending value playing rules, and I’m entitled to my opinion, you’re allowed to yours, so if you think going all willy-nilly on this is fair, you’re entitled to feel this way (“willy-nilly,” what, am I three-hundred years old, whatever?).

            Another complaint of mine is something I feel some viewers will agree on: champions. So the winner gets to keep all the money they win and come back the next day. But I think there should be a limit to how many games a champion should be allowed to come back to. There are people with total photographic memory that can recall instantaneously and can hit the buzzer quickly and make amazing wagers. But if you’re putting in two other contestants without these abilities, is it really fair to them? It’s supposed to be an equal competition, not where the players go into Final Jeopardy and the question is not “who’s going to win” but “who’s going to place second and who’s going to place third?” This totally ruins the show for me when people are on for thirty-some-odd days who just can’t be beat. It stops seeming like “Jeopardy!” and more like “The Ken Jennings Show,” The James Holzhauer Show,” “The Brad Rutter Show,” or “The Matt Amodio Show.” It just gets to be too much for me. And I don’t think a player should become a millionaire on “Jeopardy!” Enough is enough. A limit seems fair to me. Something like a five game limit, I think that would be sufficient. “Jeopardy!” is on five nights a week on my cable provider, so five feels like a good run. But if you like the format of a person keeping on playing indefinitely, that’s your opinion, I respect that. But to me, me personally, I think a cap would be a good thing. You can agree with me, you and disagree with me, that’s all you, I won’t fault you for disagreeing with me, you’re you, I’m me, all that jazz (do people say that anymore or am I just old?).

            Alright, I’ve stated my cases, take them or leave them. I honestly don’t really think there’s anything more for me to say now, but, Tim Cubbin… out!

B'ings: "Press Your Luck"

 

            Howdy, folks, welcome to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin, the blog of me, Tim Cubbin! So what we have here is a B’ing. What’s a B’ing to those of you who have never been here before, this is my own public complaint department where I share my personal opinion of mostly pointless things. I don’t expect you to agree with my opinions, you can either totally relate with it, or you might think I’m totally off base, your choice, I can’t control your mind, but I hope you can at least understand my point of view.

            Well, if you’re here, you’ve decided either to find out what a B’ing is or else want to see what I’m going to talk about “Press Your Luck.” This may be cryptic, so you must be informed I am talking about a television game show called “Press Your Luck.” I have a few points to elaborate about, so we’re going to start with the part of the game where you can earn spins on the Big Board to win cash and prizes. The host will ask questions and the contestants can try to come up with their own answer or a multiple choice answer. Now, the contestants can buzz in at any point in the question, and then the other two players can guess with either the buzzed in answer or one of two other answers of multiple choice. As I said, the contestant can buzz in at any point in the question, even if the question has not been fully read. This is foolish because the start of the question can sneakily seem to lead to the answer, but the question may be longer and trick the players into given the answer that ends up being part of the question and then you don’t earn spins. My point here is that it can be stupid to try to answer before the question is fully read which can actually give the full answer to the other players.

            Next we’ll talk about the Big Board. Now, as it comes to winning cash and prizes, you get to use your spins to try to win cash and prizes or to give your opponents spins at the big board. Here’s the thing, though. You only get to keep your cash and prizes if you have the most money in your bank at the end of round two. The other two players walk away with nothing. You also have to beware of the Whammy, who if you land on him will take away all your cash and prizes. If you hit four Whammys, you’re out of the game. Okay, this seems to be pointless, but there is a point. The players get so excited when they land on the Big Bucks or fabulous prizes. This is rather dumb because you have to have the most amount of money in your bank at the end of round two and not hit Whammys. So you land on the prize? That doesn’t mean it’s automatically yours because… I just said this, like, three times already. So you’re cheering because you landed on a prize which could just as easily be denied you because of the Whammy or the other players. It’s like buying a lottery ticket that you feel lucky that you will win, and then you don’t win and wonder “why did I even buy this ticket?” I know that seems a bit extreme, but essentially it’s the same thing. Not EXACTLY! But ESSENTIALLY. You could win, but you haven’t DEFINITELY won is my point. I hope my point is clear, because it’s my fault if it’s not and I feel bad. But if you’re with me, yay!

            And people also need to know when NOT to press your luck. For round one, if I were first to play on the Big Board, I would keep pressing my luck until I ran out of turns. After all, how can you build your bank without landing on the cash and prizes? If I played second, I’d use the same strategy. However, if I were third, and this is a HUGE advantage, I’d press my luck until I was in second place. You can pass your spins to the player in the lead. I’d build up to second place and then pass my spins. Why would I do this? It seems like I’m helping my competition. But I may actually not be doing that. I’d pass my spins and hope the lead player hits a Whammy and loses their money. Is this a guarantee? Obviously not, but you need to know when to press your luck and when not to. But, in round two, the player in the lead goes last, which, again, is an advantage so I’d really know when to press my luck. I’d build up my bank until I was in first place and pass the rest of my spins to the player in second place and hope they can’t get ahead of me. However, if I only had one or two spins left and am in second place and cannot possibly get the lead, I’d pass those last spins and hope my lead opponent lands on a Whammy, which would actually win me the game. It’s all about strategy. That’s how I’d play.

            The winner then goes on to the bonus round for a chance to win $1,000,000. If you can build your bank to $500,000, the game ends and you walk home a millionaire. You still have to beware of the Whammy. You get four Whammys, you walk home with your original winnings. The game goes after five rounds, which you can walk at the end of a round with your current winnings. You also get personal prizes that you can win. Each round adds more prizes and less spins, but you have to take ALL of those spins. Here’s where I B’ing. People get so excited to SEE their prizes get placed on the board, even though they haven’t WON that prize yet. I’d hold my excitement until I end the round with it. And some of the prizes actually benefit other people than me, such as trips to places they always wanted to visit or revisit and bring a certain amount of people to something truly meaningful to them or their people. Honestly, if I landed on the trip and finished a round with it, I’d be out of there. That would be more special than $1,000,000. There are also other special prizes depending on your profession. For example, say you’re a teacher or work at a school. Things like school supplies or other things special to your school might be a prize. If I finished a round with this prize, I’d walk. These prizes benefit the students. THINK OF THE CHILDREN! This ISN’T a prize for you! If you squander that prize, you are a TERRIBLE person. You’d deserve the Whammy, but the children wouldn’t. To some people, $1,000,000 is more important than these wonderful prizes. It shouldn’t be. Also, winning the million is difficult. It’s totally NOT impossible, but I’ve yet to see anyone walk away a millionaire. It’s statistically possible. But if you’re greedy for that and not your wonderful prizes, you deserve the Whammy, but not the others involved. These prizes aren’t for YOU, after all, or are the best vacation you will EVER get in your ENTIRE LIFE! Take it! It just makes me so angry. If I landed on a trip for myself and my five other family members who I’m super close with to Disney World for a whole week with all expenses paid, staying on site and full access to all four parks and had it at the end of a round… poof, I’m gone. That’s more important to me than $1,000,000. Would being a millionaire be great and help me with expenses in my life? Yes. But Disney World is a prize I most likely would never be able to afford, so THAT would be more important to me and my family. So again, you need to know when to walk, and when to press your luck.

            Wow have I gone on incessantly about a game show. If you’re still here at this point of my post, seriously, you are THE BEST! I totally love your support to my work and deeply thank you. So if you ever want to see me make more pointless points, keep coming back here, I totally have so much more to offer you. You’ll see short fiction, short nonfiction, poetry, essays, book reviews, editorials, and of course, more B’ings. If you’ve found this on Twitter, follow me, tell your friends about me, retweet, comment, and give me suggestions on what else you want to see here, I’ll totally try to accommodate you as soon as I can. And now, I bid you goodbye. Tim Cubbin… out!

B'ings: Comptroller/Controller

 

            Hey, all, and thanks for reading! I’m Tim Cubbin, and I’m here to be opinionated. Now, who’s been to one of my B’ings? If the answer’s no, think about a type of complaining, fill in a few letters and… B’ING!

            So if you’re here right now, you probably have an idea of what’s coming? If the answer’s no, I don’t know what to think. You saw I put in two words: “comptroller” and “controller.” Now, let’s get into why I’m doing a B’ing on these two words. People familiar with United States government have probably heard of a comptroller. And if you’ve seen political advertisements in the United States in preparation, you’ll hear it pronounced “controller.” Let’s start with a definition of comptroller. According to dictionary.com, a “comptroller” is a… whoa, whoa, whoa right there! A comptroller is a “controller?” So what’s a “controller?” “an employee, often an officer, of a business firm who checks expenditures, finances, etc.” And on top of that, a “comptroller” is pronounced “kuhn-troh-ler?” Okay, I have a bachelor’s degree in English. If a word has an “mp” shouldn’t it be pronounced “komp-troh-ler?” It’s literally taking the “mp” and replacing it with an “n.” And “mp” does not have any reason to sound like “n.” So you literally listen to a commercial and see “comptroller” written on the screen, but the narrator says “controller.” THERE’S NO REASON FOR THAT!

            When I hear the word “controller,” it kind of creeps me out. It kind of sounds like a government official is “controlling” me. What if I don’t WANT to be controlled by a government official? What, I have to do everything the controller says or I get thrown in jail? “Controller” sounds like a super villain name.  My regulars will know I LOVE Marvel comics, and ironically, there IS, IN FACT, a super villain called the “Controller.” He’s a mind manipulator who can make people do whatever he wants a person to do. I don’t want to think of a government official doing that to me? I don’t know about you? And let’s discuss a point here. I have my opinion, you have your opinion, this piece is MY opinion, you don’t have to agree with me on this, think however you want at this. But we have a government official who’s a super villain. Well, to be fair, it’s happened before, but let’s not make this about heavy politics and just focus on the words. Controller. Comptroller. They’re clearly not SPELLED the same, but they’re PRONOUNCED the same, and mean the same as each other. I’m just saying I’m more comfortable with a comptroller than a controller, but however you feel, it’s up to you, I can’t make you agree with me, but I can make you see how I feel.

            And that shall be all for now! Until next time, Tim Cubbin… out!

B'ings: Organic Food

            Hey, all, welcome to another of my B’ings! What’s a B’ing you ask? Add a few letters in between, use your imagination, realize I’m being polite. Got it now? If you don’t have it, I pity you.

            Anyway, today I’m going to B’ing about organic foods, but you read the title so hopefully you already know it’s the topic. If you didn’t, I pity you.

            Okay, so you always hear about organic foods. You see the ads, you go to the store, you see the foods. And they cost more. So you’re adding the word “organic” as a reason to make you think you’re getting something better to justify slapping a higher price tag to food? BUT, here’s where, for me, it gets worse. They say “organic chicken.” Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying the other brands of chicken aren’t organic? Now, let’s explore that. We have chickens clucking and walking around farms. Let’s look at science. Chickens are living creatures, or organisms. Organisms are living things. These dead chicken that you’re buying at stores were, at one point, living organisms. Doesn’t that automatically, by definition, by science, by whatever, make it mean chickens were organic before you bought your dead bodies? I mean, yeah we have chicken that aren’t chicken that are made of plants, but if you want the meat, don’t you want an ORGANIC chicken? Do you want INORGANIC chicken? If I want to buy chicken for consumption, I want ORGANIC chicken? Otherwise… IT’S NOT CHICKEN! I mean, here’s where they rook you. I get “organic” chicken are raised on a “special diet,” but how does that make it “organic chicken?” All meat chicken were at one point organic. So you’re slapping the word “organic” to something that was ALREADY organic so you can sell it to people who want it to be “special?” Chicken is chicken! A living ORGANISM! I DO NOT find that justifiable! And how can they PROVE it was fed the special diet? They can SAY it, anyone can SAY it. If I wanted “organic chicken” at a special price, I’m not going to a farm to WATCH them feed the chickens the special diet and then sticking their dead bodies in the meat section of the store. I’m not THERE! And neither are you! So I just have to take it on an honor system… and the human race are not a very honorable species, especially stores who want to charge extra on “organic chicken” that was, by definition, ALREADY ORGANIC! Okay, I get it, I’m being redundant, but this is just to prove my point to you further.

            And we have other foods that follow this, like beef, from grass fed cows. You let a cow into a field, it’s going to eat grass. THAT’S WHAT COWS DO! So a cow eats grass and nothing else, why is it specifically “organic?”

            Oh, and my favorite example: organic vegetables. NO ONE WANTS TO EAT INORGANIC VEGETABLES! HOW is a vegetable SPECIFICALLY organic? You want to give me inorganic veggies, ew… just, ew?

            So what is food not labeled as organic? The only other option is synthetic. AND STORES DON’T SELL SYNTHETIC FOODS! NO ONE WANTS TO EAT SYNTHETIC FOODS! I mean, what is wrong with this?

            Alright, I feel I’ve established my opinion on “organic foods” quite clearly. You get it, I know. I’ve just proved my point. And I hope I gave you something to think about. You might not AGREE with what I’ve said, but it’s my opinion and I hope you’ve taken this in and UNDERSTAND what I’ve said. And I used a LOT of capitals! I was a journalism student. You know what they call that in journalism? “Flaming.” Just a little fact. So I apparently flame. A lot. And don’t try to make that unsavory, by the way. I know you want to. But it’s not. Unsavory. So keep coming to my blog. I’ve got more reviews, editorials, short stories, poetry, and of course B’ings lined up, so there’s plenty more to read. So I leave you with… Tim Cubbin, out! 

B'ings: Bounty Paper Towel Commercials

 

            Hey, everyone! You’re reading From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin, and I am Tim Cubbin. Of course this is a B’ing of mine. If you don’t know what a “B’ing” is, it’s a semi-polite way of saying a complaint. Yeah, it’s that word.

            Anyway, if you’re reading this, you’re interested in seeing what my complaint of the Bounty paper towel commercials. If you’re not, I don’t know why you’re here, but please stay anyway. Okay, so let’s get to the main point. In the Bounty commercials, there’s a scenario involving a few people. Somehow, someone is doing something and someone else knocks a drink over that threatens a device that is susceptible to this liquid. Then as the drink comes closer to the item, the focus goes into slowmo and the people scream “No!” in a dragged out cry. Then the paper towel appears out of nowhere and the device is saved from certain destruction.

            Alright, I’ll break them down for those who haven’t seen these commercials. The relationships between the characters is never confirmed, so for every time I mention the connections to the characters, I’ll use the word “potential.”

            A girl is on her laptop. Her potential sister is playing a game dressed up as a pirate. Her potential father is holding a drink. The potential sister has some toy sword and thrusts it at the potential father’s backside, causing the potential father to lose control of his glass of drink. The drink flies out of his hand and slides across the table towards the girl’s laptop. The girl screams “No!” to which the father echoes her cry. Suddenly, a paper towel appears and absorbs the liquid before it destroys the laptop. Then the potential father and potential sister go about playing pirate, which the girl seems to enjoy. Okay, now my complaint. As the drink slides across the table towards the laptop, the girl recoils. Simple solution: grab the laptop and pull it off the table, and the laptop is saved. And where did the paper towel that magically saves the laptop come from? Okay, that last line comes up to every description, so I’ll try to make this the only time I use this sentence.

            Next example. A little boy is playing with knockoff Legos (because Bounty did not get the permission to use actual Legos). The potential father has made a green drink (which most likely is a veggie or fruit drink which is healthy for you, which I would never drink myself because if a drink is green and thick, I really do not even want to look at, but that’s just in my mind) for the potential mother. The potential mother is wearing a white suit. The potential father starts to bring the drink to the potential mother, but steps on a knockoff Lego and loses control of the glass. The green liquid then slides across the counter towards the potential mother which will definitely make that suit go to the dry cleaners and need to dress in a new suit. The potential mother screams out “No!” the potential father screams out “No!” and the son screams out “No!” Then, boom, paper towel saves the day. Then the boy continues to play with the knockoff Legos and the potential father looks down to make sure he doesn’t step on another knockoff Lego. Simple solution: back away from the counter, so the drink slides on, with the now new potential of spilling to the floor, to which hopefully doesn’t have a carpet on it, but if it does, that’s an all-new problem, but for the moment, the white suit is saves and we don’t know what is on the floor.

            Next example, a potential family is eating a Chinese food dinner, with chopsticks (which I can’t use, to my embarrassment). The potential father asks the boy “You got it? It’s slippery” as the boy picks up a dumpling. The dumpling then slips off the boy’s chopsticks, falls to the table, flips a bowl of sauce, and slides off the table. The boy calls out “No!” the potential grandmother screams “No!” the potential father calls out “No!” and the dumpling drops off the table and we hear “Yes!” and realize it’s a dog who catches the dumpling and eats it in one bite (if the dog’s lucky, it took several takes and the dog got several dumplings). The paper towel appears and cleans up the mess, but hey, the damage is done. Then we see the boy with another dumpling and he says “Hey, look, I got it!” which seems to amuse the potential family. Okay, well, there is no simple solution, and sometimes the channel abbreviates the commercial and we don’t see the dog (which, sorry, ruins the commercial as the joke is no longer there).

            Okay, I’ve been going on for quite a while, hope you’re still with me. Well, you can go now, I’m done. I just sign off as Tim Cubbin… out!

B'ings: Peter Parker/Spider-Man

 

            Hey, all, welcome to another B’ing. My name is Tim Cubbin, obviously, or this blog would make no sense being called “From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin.” Okay, maybe there is a way, like I’m WRITING about One Tim Cubbin and I’m not Tim Cubbin myself, but yes, I am One Tim Cubbin.

            Anyway, for those of you who don’t know what a B’ing is and you’re just reading this because this is about Peter Parker/Spider-Man, this is, essentially, my complaint department. Oh, you think you get “B’ing” now. If not, well, it’s okay, just keep reading, anyway.

            Okay, now, I am a HUGE Spider-Man fan, have loved him since I was five years old. Every Saturday morning, my dad and I would get up and watch his cartoon. That said, I’m not telling you WHICH Spider-Man cartoon as I don’t wish to give away my age in B’ings, and there have been, like, ten Spider-Man cartoons or so, but use your imagination, I am be old or REALLY old, your guess. Anyone who knows me personally (and I know some of you do) knows that I am a MAJOR Marvel fan. I read LITERALLY every current comic series and always go to the movies opening day and watch the shows the first day they air. But there’s always been something that bothers me about Spidey: how does no one know his secret identity? And I mean the comics, NOT “Far From Home” (kind of a spoiler there). Work with me here. Now, if anyone has read “The Amazing Spider-Man” from 1963 issue #2 (again, am I old or REALLY old) may recall that when Peter sold his first Spidey photos to J. Jonah Jameson he made the deal that Jameson must never ask HOW Peter got such good photos of Spider-Man. Um, right there, that’s kind of a red flag. I mean, he got close up pictures of the Vulture. In 1963, they didn’t have the awesome photo capabilities we enjoy today. He’d LITERALLY have to be in the Vulture’s face to get that shot, and the Vulture CLEARLY did NOT notice a photographer in his face. Oh, and that leads to ANOTHER stupid observation. HOW THE HECK DOES PETER GET THESE SHOTS? I mean, yeah there was a timer mechanism, but HOW did he get the camera to FOLLOW the action? Riddle me that. Okay, though, that is not the point I meant to focus on, though. The point I’m here to make today is how he hid his secret identity, so let’s get back to that. Let’s go back to “Amazing Fantasy” #15 (the first appearance of Spider-Man). Peter is described to be a scrawny bookworm. Then, all of a sudden, he has muscles? HOW did this happen? How do you explain THAT? Steroids? Sure as heck NOT! A gym? When would he have the time? Okay, now we get to the biggest and most obvious observation which any Spidey consumer knows. Peter Parker and Spider-Man very rarely show up at the same time! (I say rarely because there have been many instances that they’re both there at the same time, but that’s because of an imposter, a robot, or a clone). And when Peter goes to be Spider-Man, he always has a lame excuse that he suddenly remembered a dentist’s appointment, something he forgot he had to get or a place he had to go to, or he needed to do something for Aunt May. These lame excuses should be OBVIOUS for anyone with a brain to put together (even Flash Thompson should be able to figure THAT out). And there have been many instances where Peter has been publicly unmasked, and his excuse is he was going to a party or some other lame reason he had to wear the costume (usually the explanation to the consumer is Peter was sick or not at full strength and that’s why this happened). And, come on, Aunt May isn’t stupid, she’s just old. She should KNOW Peter was sneaking out of her place like that. Although, I have to say, in the movies “The Amazing Spider-Man” and “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” I always had the suspicion that Sally Field’s Aunt May portrayal knew Peter was Spider-Man and didn’t say anything. But again, I’m talking about the main comics here. And yes, in 2001, Aunt May did discover he was Spider-Man, but she should have known WAY before then. And in “Civil War” in 2006 he unmasked to the world on camera, but made a deal to make everyone forget he was Spider-Man, which I always thought was REALLY LAME! There are many instances and circumstances where his secret identity should be just plain obvious. But again, I am a HUGE, lifelong Spidey fan, but this has ALWAYS bothered me (and I was a five year old when I first became a fan, and this bothered A FIVE YEAR OLD?).

            And with that, I’m wrapping up this edition of B’ings! Hope you enjoyed my complaints and seriously consider this (even though this is kind of a joke), and keep checking out for more B’ings. Until next time, Tim Cubbin… out!

B'ings: Eggland's Best

 

            Hey, all, and welcome to B’ings, also known as Tim Cubbin’s complaint department.

Today, I will be talking about, if you can read the title, Eggland’s Best. If you work for Eggland’s Best in any way, please stop reading this as you are about to get busted.

Who has seen a commercial for Eggland’s Best? In it, they claim “Better taste, better nutrition, better eggs.” Whoa, whoa, whoa, let’s think about this. How can you make this claim? How can you PROVE your eggs are the best tasting eggs out there? And “better nutrition”? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOUR EGGS? If you make this claim, you are DEFINITELY doing something unnatural to your eggs! Or do you have a magic chicken that you KNOW makes the best tasting eggs? Because I doubt it! For as long as they’ve had these commercials, those magic chickens would DEFINITELY be dead by now. What, do the chickens have an ancestral trait to lay the best eggs? Again, I doubt it! Especially since you claim better nutrition. This is not a natural genetic trait. In other words, they do something to these eggs. To make this claim, something’s up here. This claim could even be false. How can you make a guarantee to this?

Okay, now I will tell you I’ve had Eggland’s Best eggs. And what do I have to say? THEY’RE EGGS! I don’t notice anything different about their eggs than any other brand of eggs. Look, I’m not an egg connoisseur, I don’t line up eggs and do taste tests. If you’re doing something to these eggs (which you probably ARE), I haven’t really noticed a difference. I have no way to confirm or deny your claim. Maybe you should ease up on this?

That’ll do it for now. Be prepared for more B’ings soon! Until then, Tim Cubbin… OUT!