B'ings: Car Commercials

 

            Hey, all, welcome (back if you truly like my pointless drivel) to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! As oft is the case, you are reading a piece by myself, Tim Cubbin.

            First off, let’s talk about why I’m here typing for hours trying to come up with cohesion which you will be done reading in two minutes (if you actually stay for the whole piece, I know I’m boring, but if you actually make it to the last three words in this post, you are THE BEST!). I actually happen to be qualified as a journalist. I went to college, majored in English, minored in journalism. I’m totally certified. So why am I doing this blog instead of writing for a newspaper or reading the teleprompter in a cable news studio? I’m actually legally disabled, seizures and brain damage. Finding a job in my condition is very difficult, but I want to write and have people read what I write, so I do this blog semiprofessionally. I don’t actually get paid, but I spend my time doing regular thirty-some-odd day-to-day activities and am writing a young adult novel series, and when I’m not doing that, I’m working on this blog out of the goodness of my heart for absolutely no money payment. I’m nice like that.

            If you’ve ever been here before, I’ve promised frequent posts, but it’s been a while since I posted. I do have a good explanation for that. I injured my hand really badly, so badly I don’t think you want to know. Because of this, I couldn’t type, and I didn’t want to have anyone else type for me, so I took a hiatus. But now I’m back! You might have noticed I’ve done two other posts frequently (actually on the same day I started this post), and a few other reviews when my hand allowed it, but nothing in the way of B’ings.

            If you haven’t been to a B’ing before, you probably don’t know what the heck a B’ing is. Well, it’s a dirty word minus four letters, which is a slang synonym for complaining. I honestly hope you now know what I mean, but if you don’t, I can’t help you there.

            You may have noticed I’m a little snarky when I write. It’s just my personality, me being me, but actually a lot nicer than I often am. I keep my jokes genial, just for fun without being seriously insulting. If you know me personally (as some of you readers might, and you are reading this out of a sense of obligation because we’re friends or family), you know how I am. I try to add a piece of myself in all my writing, fiction or nonfiction.

This is what I consider an editorial. You may want to classify this as an essay, but this is what I’m calling it, so there it is. I also write essays, being an English major and spending ten years in college. But I don’t personally think of B’ings as essays.

I also say that everything on my blog is my own personal, Tim Cubbin opinion. I’m not expecting you to read this and say “gee, Tim Cubbin makes a good point, I agree with him!” I’m actually expecting for you to feel otherwise. I just tell you like I feel since this is From MY mind. If you don’t agree with what I type, I leave that up to you, but I hope you still want to read past this point.

Anyhoo, I’ve given a super-long introduction and you probably want to get to the good stuff, why we’re actually here. Yes, I lured you here with the promise of me complaining about car commercials. (If you’re actually still here with me reading this, you are THE BEST!) So what could I possibly mean? I actually have two points to make. The first is car safety features. The second is what cars are doing in the commercials.

Let’s start with car safety features. I’ll pick a few for example, explain why I’m complaining, then I’ll move on to my second pointless point.

How about self-parking? Being disabled, I can’t drive, but I pay lots of attention to commercials and have opinions on just about every one I see. So, have you seen commercials that show cars parking themselves? I wouldn’t want to trust that. Having seen people parallel-park and having difficulty, how accurate do you think a machine can be? You need to take several things into consideration when you park.

One: The size of your car. Two: The size of the cars surrounding where you want to park. And three: The amount of room you have for the parking space. I don’t feel like a car would be able to account for these three considerations on its own. So much with that can go wrong. So I feel it’s dangerous, not just for your car, but the cars surrounding your car. It doesn’t seem to me like the entire precision can be executed perfectly.

Next, how about automatic braking? You have cars that if it detects danger in front of the car and automatically stops the car to avoid forward collision. But what about backward collision? Sure, YOUR car stops to protect it from what’s in front of it, but if your car automatically stops and you have cars BEHIND you. Their car might not have automatic braking. Which means… CRASH! You’re rear-ended! In THEORY it seems safe, but in actual EXECUTION, there does seem to me that you might just have a wee bit of a problem.

Or, let’s think about lane control? Your car may be drifting off to the side, and it might compute that you’re driving over the lane and automatically turn to fit the lane. But what if you need to pass someone? Your car might compute that you’re out of your lane and drive you right into the car you’re trying to pass.

And, let’s think about self-driving cars? Would you trust your car to drive itself? There are so many factors that go into driving, like other cars, traffic lights, stops, yields, traffic circles, speed limits, crossings, detours, so much that can go wrong. A car is a machine that can’t properly think for itself. Would you trust that? I certainly don’t! UNLESS! EVERY car on the road was self-driving. Hey, maybe that would somewhat prevent accidents? But for some people, they love driving. I’ve been in cars with plenty of people who drive for a living and love their job. (I’m on Medicaid that covers my car trips to my doctor’s appointments, so I know firsthand how the drivers working for the companies they work for.) Some people feel like driving is fun. And yes, you have people who race professionally (and not like the maniacs on my street at night who cause at least one accident a year). Do you honestly want to have a joy or a passion stripped away from you? I sure wouldn’t. So not only would a person have a dangerous travel if cars drove themselves, the fun aspect just wouldn’t be there.

Next, we’re going to discuss content shown in car commercials. Some commercials actually show cars speeding. You might see a car in a commercial flying by at 100 MPH! YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THAT! I see no reason for a car to drive over 80 MPH (in my opinion even over 75 MPH is too fast at times). I mean, sure, you have a speed gauge, but it should not be going as fast as it is in some car commercials.

Another pointless feeling is also showing cars doing things they shouldn’t be doing. The commercials show that you CAN ride off-road, after crazy obstacles, and stunts; but that truly does not mean that you SHOULD. Sure you CAN decide to stick your tongue onto a flagpole in winter just to prove it won’t freeze your tongue to it, but SHOULD you do it. There would be germs all over it, you could get sick, and it is actually possibly for your tongue to stick, “A Christmas Story” does not lie on that (I’ve never tried it, but I have a friend I PERSONALLY have do it because he COULD do it, and he totally regretted that choice). I have plenty of other anecdotes, but some would be either too graphic that this blog site would not allow it, or else this post would get even more boring than it already is (I’m even bored writing this, but unfortunately I got this far so that not finishing this post is not an option). Doing these could actually be really dangerous. You could be doing these activities and might not be able to regret doing them if they go wrong.

My point is, some of the things you see in car commercials that seem useful, fun, cool, what-have-you, but the content in car commercials just don’t seem practical to me. But again, because of my disability, I can’t drive, I haven’t seen through a driver’s position (well, actually I did once park my dad’s car in his garage and I was so nervous because I knew if I even scratched the car, I’d be paying for it for the rest of my life and managed to park perfectly, but driving felt like so much pressure to me), so all of this is just my passenger-seat view, and you honestly don’t have to listen or agree with me on anything I’ve typed, and I welcome your disagreement and feedback.

So now, we’re wrapping this horrible editorial up, but first, I have a few things to say (at the top of the list is that if you’re still reading this up to this point, you are THE BEST!). This blog, as I said, contains book reviews, essays, editorials, original short nonfiction and short fiction, original poetry, all kinds of other content, so if you liked this post (and honestly, I’m surprised if you did because even I didn’t like typing this post after breaching 1,000 words, but I just couldn’t leave this post behind me) feel free to check out some of my other work. I keep busy and try to post frequently so you readers have something to read as I’m sure some of you are quite demanding and want more From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin, so I hope you keep reading, I’d love to hear from you, feel free to comment, like, share, retweet, whatever you can do on the platform you found this post on, and until next time, Tim Cubbin… out!

B'ings: Teeth

            Howdy, y’all, and welcome (possibly back, if you’ve been here before) to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! Reporting today is Tim Cubbin, manager of this blog!

            Okay, so, I have to say, it’s been quite a while since I did one of these B’ings. I’d been doing a lot of reviews in my more recent posts and have been completely ignoring B’ings, so I thought it was high time to do another one of these.

            So, in the past couple of months, my cat passed away, and I sustained a pretty serious injury (which I’m sure y’all don’t want to hear about, so we’ll just skip that), so I’ve been off the grid. But I’m recovered enough to come back to the blog, so here I am now.

            Now, I know some of you might have no idea what, exactly, a B’ing is. I don’t like to use profanity on this blog, I keep it G-Rated, but think of a dirty word, drop the last four letters, and make it an action, and I think you might have figured out what a B’ing is now. If you don’t get it, just think of this as a complaint department. So a B’ing is where I take a peeve of mine and go on and on in a pointless fashion, and if you actually read this whole post, you are THE BEST! Sometimes there actually IS a relevancy, but most of the time, you might wonder why I actually do these things. Well, I went to college, I have a degree in English with a minor in journalism, and am officially a journalist. But I am legally disabled and getting a job isn’t possible, so in my spare time I read, watch shows and movies, and play video games, and yes, I write (I’m working on a young adult novel series right now, and I totally plan on getting published, so expect to eventually go to a book store and find my name on the cover), so I keep busy. So, a journalist without a job is pretty boring, so to get my words out, I write this blog. And I do it for free out of the kindness of my heart, so you are totally lucky you get to read this drivel, and you taking the time to read this is greatly appreciated.

            I now tell you that EVERYTHING on this blog is MY OWN PERSONAL opinion. I don’t expect you to understand or agree with what I say. In fact, I welcome you to disagree with me. That is the beauty of being a human being. We all have our own opinions. This is all just mine.

            Now, you can probably get the point (more like pointlessness) of this post. You’re here because: 1) You are a regular reader of this blog and read everything I write; 2) You are a friend of mine on Facebook and thought you wanted to check this out; or 3) You saw the # and are intrigued by this. Whyever you’re here, you’re here and that means a lot to me. But yes, I gave the title “B’ings: Teeth,” and that is what I am here today to talk about.

            Do you notice that everyone now must have perfect, shiny, white teeth? It’s totally expected these days. But when did that become a requirement? In my day, you were happy just not having cavities. Or gingivitis. The dentist didn’t tell you how shiny your teeth were, just how healthy they were. You didn’t have to look in the mirror every morning, shine the light on it and be like “bling!” I mean, people don’t smile if they smoke or drink coffee because it’s embarrassing that their teeth don’t shine. If your teeth aren’t shiny white, you have an ugly smile. When did this start? When I was in high school, we didn’t have whitening toothpaste, or whitening strips, or whitening trays, or tooth polish, or anything like that. We had for sensitivity and gingivitis and whatnot, but whitening? Not a thing. Then I’m in my third year of college and all the commercials come on and it’s like, a big deal. And here’s a little known fact: All those extra things except toothpaste made for whitening your teeth? They’re abrasive. Each time you put those things on, you’re eroding your enamel. So sure you’re making your teeth LOOK good, but you’re not making your teeth HEALTHY! I went to college embarrassed of my teeth. I come from a lower-class family and I couldn’t afford a dentist, so I brushed my teeth three times a day using a different kind of toothpaste each time. In the morning I did sensitivity. After lunch in between class, I used enamel restoring toothpaste. At night I used whitening toothpaste. Unfortunately, I had a major problem that toothpaste just couldn’t fix: I was on the medication Lithium. Lithium contains a very high level of salt in it. This ate away at my teeth. I was on Lithium since 2002 and taken off in 2020, and no matter how much I brushed, it just didn’t work. As a market research interviewer, I did a lot of paperwork and dealt with a lot of people every day. I tried to hold my lips a certain way so no one saw the horror in my mouth, but it never worked. People saw, and it was extremely embarrassing. I was finally put on disability, with Medicaid and Medicare and could get dental work, but it wasn’t enough. I had to have every tooth extracted all at once. Not pleasant and not a good story, so we’ll leave that alone. I finally got dentures. Fun fact: You can actually pick a color when your dentures are being made. And no, you don’t just go to the dentist two times and have your dentures. It takes six fitting sessions over the span of several months, and you don’t just pop them in and out as you have to use seal so they stay in your mouth and the paste does not come off easy. In all honesty, I never wear my dentures, I find them extremely uncomfortable. But when I picked out my color, I picked what seems like an odd choice, and did not pick perfect white. I wanted them to look natural and made them off-white. So when I look at people and see “perfect” teeth, it hurts me mentally. And back in my day, we had braces. Metal braces. That they stuck to your teeth to fix the position so your teeth were steady to make sure your teeth had a proper formation, and you might have needed them for years. Now you have those things you pop in your mouth at night to fix the position. In my day, we didn’t have that. (And, oh, my gosh, I’m saying “in my day” a lot. I’m SO OLD!) And let’s talk about losing teeth as children. You know those scenes in movies where they tie something around a loose tooth and use a heavy weight to yank it out? DON’T DO THAT! It DOES NOT work! I’ve heard of people getting seriously hurt doing that. Especially if the tooth is not loose, but the kid wants the Tooth Fairy to come, as that will cause permanent damage, so DO NOT encourage such behavior. I know we can’t control what our kids watch these days, but a lot of shows and movies show it and it is not a safe thing to do. I actually have firsthand experience and believe me, it was NOT fun. If a tooth is loose, don’t fiddle with it. (Although, in all honesty, if you’re reading this, you’ve probably shed all your baby teeth and this is kind of pointless to say, but I’m still saying it anyway). I used to yank them out, and the results were not pleasant. The best way to do it is to wiggle it back and forth with your tongue. So if you’re an adult, teach this to your kids, it’s very important to know. And also, let’s talk about the Tooth Fairy. In my day (again, I’m old), I got a dollar per tooth. And my mum took my fallen-out tooth right after I lost it, put it in a little plastic bag, put a dollar in a bag exactly like it when I wasn’t looking, and swapped the bags before putting the money bag under my pillow. So parents, this is a good tactic and works very well. Now, I don’t know how much parents these days give for a lost tooth. In my mum’s day, she got a quarter. Now kids probably get an obscene amount such as five dollars these days. (Gotta love inflation.) And also, kids are now con artists. They know the Tooth Fairy isn’t real, but know how to work parents to get money anyway. Kids these days don’t believe in anything (Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Great Pumpkin, to name a few), they just want the presents. (And now I’m saying “kids these days,” I AM old!) But telling young kids about them being made up can now be considered emotionally scarring, so just go along with it.

            And I would be remiss if I complained about teeth and not mention dentists. Going to the dentist, well, I’d rather have gotten stuck in the DMV for seven hours then deal with that scraping hook. Lucky me, I don’t have to go to the dentist anymore, but yeah, going to the dentist? Not fun. And going to the dentist is important, don’t let your kids tell you they don’t want to go, and if you want, you can tell them my story, that’s horrifying enough to make your kids want to go, having every tooth in your mouth pulled out all at once, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. (Okay, maybe I would for some people, but I will keep them to myself.) Novocain only does just so much. But, I mean, let’s face it, who ACTUALLY WANTS to go to the dentist? (If you answer yes, I would actually dislocate my jaw in surprise.) I don’t think even dentists want to go to the dentist. Pretty sadistic job, in my opinion. I don’t know if any of you agree or disagree with me, like I said, this is all my own personal opinion, feel however you want to about everything I’ve just typed, I welcome dissent. And if you are on medications, going to the dentist is extremely important, I would know the effects if you don’t, as much as you hate it.

            Okay, hopefully you don’t equate this post as painful as having a tooth pulled, but I think we should start wrapping this up. If you’re still reading this post up to this point, thank you, you are THE BEST. Now, for those of you who have never been to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin before, I will say that I do not just write these stupid things. I write reviews of mostly Marvel Comics books and comics, and I have done literally dozens of them. I also write short fiction and nonfiction, I actually have an idea high up on this to-do list, I have a whole bunch of index cards right now with ideas I have to tackle, as I had been injured really badly and couldn’t write. I also have some poetry on this blog (even though I personally hate, don’t understand and can’t format, do I do free-verse poetry in mostly epic poetry format). I also write pieces about mental health, illness, and wellness, which are actually important topics, but don’t get many reads. I post often. Like I said, have plenty of ideas. There’s plenty to find on this blog to like and enjoy, and now I’ll finish off with three more simple words: Tim Cubbin… out!