B'ings: Phone Numbers

            Howdy, y’all, and welcome to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin (I have no idea why I say “howdy, y’all,” I’m a born and bred suburban New Yorker, and we might feature my accents in other posts, but that’s NOT why we’re here this time, we’re here about… well, we’re going to get to it in a few sentences). You probably have figured out I’m Tim Cubbin… or am I? I could be someone talking about Tim Cubbin, or using the name Tim Cubbin as a pseudonym… but I actually AM Tim Cubbin in this case, so yeah, that puts that to bed.

            Anywhoo (does anyone say that anymore, or am I just old. I’m more inclined to say the latter option is what is the truth), let’s discuss what I am talking about in the title of this post: “B’ing: Phone Numbers.” Some of you have been here before, so y’all know what a B’ing is, but I know there are some of you who are just curious by reading the title or tags on whatever led you here, so I feel an exposition is required (and I love using fancy words, I am a licensed journalist with no true job, but I want to write, so I write for you guys for free, you thank you for coming, thank me for doing this out of the goodness of my heart), so I’ll give you one. A “B’ing” is an abbreviation of a word I don’t want to use as this blog is G-Rated, but it also translates to “complaint,” which I’ve probably used as a tag to lure you here (I write my posts on Microsoft Word then copy and paste to this blog site, so I don’t know ahead of time my tags or hashtags before time. I use Word because as I type it, I keep a professional formatting, Times New Roman, 12 point, double-spaced, as many college students will know from typing their papers), so I hope you know the word I mean. I’M NOT GOING TO SAY IT! Just use your imagination, add four letters after the “B” before the “ing” and you’ll get it. If you haven’t gotten it yet, I hope you’ll learn it before we finish this post. If not… well, then there’s no hope for you (I know, I don’t sound professional. I mean, run-on sentences, snarkiness, grammatical errors don’t seem professional, but they’re actually all done on purpose. I’m not employed by any organizations so I can write however I want, so nyah, nyah to anyone who wants to b’ing about my work)

 I totally leave this up to you now, if you want to like or dislike my work, I can’t force you to accept what is totally going to be my most pointless B’ing so far, and if y’all want to jump off this crazy train, this is our first stop. If you stay on the train, I thank you, and I will tell you how I feel about you after a few more stops.

I hope you’re not getting off at this stop so I can make my pointless point ever.

So, I’m going to talk to you about phone numbers. This is going to be so weird, I promise you this. I’m going to tell you I have bipolar disorder and obsessive/compulsive disorder, so minor things bother me, and when I’m bothered, I write. I’ve written this before, but I’m only posting this draft to the blog less than an hour after I’ve finished I’ve finished composing, so this is what you’re getting to read. I also make lists a lot, so, like I said, I’ve drafted this before, but this is what you get, so I truly hope you’ll be receptive to this post, and if not (and I HATE to say this) you can decide to get off at the next stop, but I thank you if you’ll stay on this crazy train.

And here is our next stop.

Yay, you’re still on the crazy train. Now: phone numbers. I’ll start with the number of numbers. If you live in the United States of America, like me, and know how to use a phone (which I think any two month old or older knows how to do), you know a phone number is composed of eleven numbers. WHY IS A PHONE NUMBER ELEVEN NUMBERS? Is there a significance to this? Does anyone know why? If you do, please leave the reason in a comment, either on this blog site if you have gmail, or a comment on the Twitter site you’re looking at, that’d be AWESOME!

Okay, we’re now at our next stop. I hope you’ll keep on going, as this is only going to get weirder and post more interesting thoughts.

Okay, if you live in the United States and dial a phone number not in the same area code as you (and we will visit this on the next destination on the crazy train), you have to dial the number 1. WHY? WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF 1? If you do know why, tell me and all of my other passengers why because I would honestly like to know.

We’re at our next stop, but we’re nowhere near the end of the line.

Why do we have to dial an area code? And why do people in neighboring cities/towns/villages have an area code nowhere NEAR the area code or your neighboring city/town/village. For example, my area code is 845. The nearest cities/towns/villages to me with a different area code is 914. 845 AND 914 ARE NOWHERE NEAR EACH OTHER! What is the meaning of this? If you know the answer, you know what to do for all the passengers and me, the conductor, because I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!

We’re now at our next stop.

Next question: Why is an area code three numbers? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? And why are there seven digits after this? I’m making up a number, and I honestly hope no one actually has this number and is plagued by other passengers for having this number, so everyone, PLEASE DO NOT call this number. Why is a number like 1-525-671-9918? If you know, you know what to do.

We’ve reached our next stop.

Now we’re going to talk about neighboring numbers. My house actually has two phone lines. And yet, they are nowhere even near being similar! Don’t you think that two numbers IN THE SAME HOUSE would be close to each other? And why don’t my neighbors have a phone number that seems similar? Shouldn’t it be like someone has 1-525-671-9918 as their closest neighbor have 1-525-671-9919? My next door neighbor’s phone number is NOTHING like mine. I find that VERY odd. Again, if you know, please fill myself and everyone else in.

Next stop, but please don’t hop of the crazy train right here.

Okay, now I’ve come to the truest point of this being a B’ing. I have a HUGE pet peeve when it comes to phone numbers. Now, I honestly don’t think you’ll commiserate with me here as this complaint is really stupid, but this is my blog, I’m giving my two cents (why is it two cents, by the way? Such an odd amount). As I said before, I have obsessive/compulsive disorder, and I like things to be exact. So if we accept a phone number as eleven digits, why do some companies take their phone number to spell out a word, and yet have it exceed eleven digits? And how does anyone even get the right to have their phone number spell out a word? That seems really weird? But that’s beside the point. Say we have a lawyer named David Schnitz (I know, dumb name, it just came to me, so that’s what we’re going on about, and if your name is David Schnitz, I apologize if someone calls your number) why answers a lot of questions (I don’t know why I said he’s a lawyer and answers questions, and I honestly hope I didn’t just give you a swamp of phone calls, I just thought lawyer and that’s the career that popped into my head). So somehow, he managed to get the phone number 1-212-ASK-DAVID. Congrats on that, by the way, awesome number. So converting the words into numbers, David Schnitz’s phone number is 1-212-275-32843. THAT’S NOT A TRUE PHONE NUMBER! The last 3 is superfluous! There’s no point to it! I know this nitpicking sounds stupid and minor, but some of us with OCD will be peeved by this. And if you have OCD and have never read one of my B’ings before, feel free to look at more of them as some do address the condition as well, you might find my views compelling to those of us with this disorder.

We’re now at our last stop, but please don’t get off just yet! We’re not at the end of the line yet!

Now we’re going to touch on extensions. Some numbers will require extensions when calling an office to reach specific persons/departments. For example, say have a company called Mind Corporation. Their number is 1-914-682-7941, but they have different departments. So if you want to reach Sally Johnston, the vice president, you dial 1-914-682-7941 and are prompted to dial an extension to reach her, and must dial ext. 974, but if you want to reach James Redding, the CEO, you must dial ext. 841. First off, sometimes the extensions are nowhere near each other. Second, there must be so many possible phone numbers Mind Corporation could acquire, why can’t everyone have their own separate numbers. There’ve got to be so many numbers available, why are extensions required? Seems like a waste to available phone numbers to have extensions.

Welp, this is the end of the line. You’ve stayed with me the whole times, so you are THE BEST! I appreciate you’re still here and stuck with me through this whole ride on the crazy train! You may now hop off, and maybe board another line of crazy trains. I’ve done several B’ings, and there are so much already posted, and so many in my mind to put on this blog, so totally keep coming back. I also write short stories, poetry, editorials (as I AM a journalist), prose/graphic novel reviews, and so much more. You’ve got over sixty more rides you can do, so if you read more of my work, you are THE BEST! And if I wasted several minutes of your time, that’s fine, I can’t expect you to agree with me, you being you, and me being me, this is just my mind and my blog so I’m saying my peace. And as for saying my peace, I’m letting you go with three words: Tim Cubbin… out!