B'ings: Teeth

            Howdy, y’all, and welcome (possibly back, if you’ve been here before) to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! Reporting today is Tim Cubbin, manager of this blog!

            Okay, so, I have to say, it’s been quite a while since I did one of these B’ings. I’d been doing a lot of reviews in my more recent posts and have been completely ignoring B’ings, so I thought it was high time to do another one of these.

            So, in the past couple of months, my cat passed away, and I sustained a pretty serious injury (which I’m sure y’all don’t want to hear about, so we’ll just skip that), so I’ve been off the grid. But I’m recovered enough to come back to the blog, so here I am now.

            Now, I know some of you might have no idea what, exactly, a B’ing is. I don’t like to use profanity on this blog, I keep it G-Rated, but think of a dirty word, drop the last four letters, and make it an action, and I think you might have figured out what a B’ing is now. If you don’t get it, just think of this as a complaint department. So a B’ing is where I take a peeve of mine and go on and on in a pointless fashion, and if you actually read this whole post, you are THE BEST! Sometimes there actually IS a relevancy, but most of the time, you might wonder why I actually do these things. Well, I went to college, I have a degree in English with a minor in journalism, and am officially a journalist. But I am legally disabled and getting a job isn’t possible, so in my spare time I read, watch shows and movies, and play video games, and yes, I write (I’m working on a young adult novel series right now, and I totally plan on getting published, so expect to eventually go to a book store and find my name on the cover), so I keep busy. So, a journalist without a job is pretty boring, so to get my words out, I write this blog. And I do it for free out of the kindness of my heart, so you are totally lucky you get to read this drivel, and you taking the time to read this is greatly appreciated.

            I now tell you that EVERYTHING on this blog is MY OWN PERSONAL opinion. I don’t expect you to understand or agree with what I say. In fact, I welcome you to disagree with me. That is the beauty of being a human being. We all have our own opinions. This is all just mine.

            Now, you can probably get the point (more like pointlessness) of this post. You’re here because: 1) You are a regular reader of this blog and read everything I write; 2) You are a friend of mine on Facebook and thought you wanted to check this out; or 3) You saw the # and are intrigued by this. Whyever you’re here, you’re here and that means a lot to me. But yes, I gave the title “B’ings: Teeth,” and that is what I am here today to talk about.

            Do you notice that everyone now must have perfect, shiny, white teeth? It’s totally expected these days. But when did that become a requirement? In my day, you were happy just not having cavities. Or gingivitis. The dentist didn’t tell you how shiny your teeth were, just how healthy they were. You didn’t have to look in the mirror every morning, shine the light on it and be like “bling!” I mean, people don’t smile if they smoke or drink coffee because it’s embarrassing that their teeth don’t shine. If your teeth aren’t shiny white, you have an ugly smile. When did this start? When I was in high school, we didn’t have whitening toothpaste, or whitening strips, or whitening trays, or tooth polish, or anything like that. We had for sensitivity and gingivitis and whatnot, but whitening? Not a thing. Then I’m in my third year of college and all the commercials come on and it’s like, a big deal. And here’s a little known fact: All those extra things except toothpaste made for whitening your teeth? They’re abrasive. Each time you put those things on, you’re eroding your enamel. So sure you’re making your teeth LOOK good, but you’re not making your teeth HEALTHY! I went to college embarrassed of my teeth. I come from a lower-class family and I couldn’t afford a dentist, so I brushed my teeth three times a day using a different kind of toothpaste each time. In the morning I did sensitivity. After lunch in between class, I used enamel restoring toothpaste. At night I used whitening toothpaste. Unfortunately, I had a major problem that toothpaste just couldn’t fix: I was on the medication Lithium. Lithium contains a very high level of salt in it. This ate away at my teeth. I was on Lithium since 2002 and taken off in 2020, and no matter how much I brushed, it just didn’t work. As a market research interviewer, I did a lot of paperwork and dealt with a lot of people every day. I tried to hold my lips a certain way so no one saw the horror in my mouth, but it never worked. People saw, and it was extremely embarrassing. I was finally put on disability, with Medicaid and Medicare and could get dental work, but it wasn’t enough. I had to have every tooth extracted all at once. Not pleasant and not a good story, so we’ll leave that alone. I finally got dentures. Fun fact: You can actually pick a color when your dentures are being made. And no, you don’t just go to the dentist two times and have your dentures. It takes six fitting sessions over the span of several months, and you don’t just pop them in and out as you have to use seal so they stay in your mouth and the paste does not come off easy. In all honesty, I never wear my dentures, I find them extremely uncomfortable. But when I picked out my color, I picked what seems like an odd choice, and did not pick perfect white. I wanted them to look natural and made them off-white. So when I look at people and see “perfect” teeth, it hurts me mentally. And back in my day, we had braces. Metal braces. That they stuck to your teeth to fix the position so your teeth were steady to make sure your teeth had a proper formation, and you might have needed them for years. Now you have those things you pop in your mouth at night to fix the position. In my day, we didn’t have that. (And, oh, my gosh, I’m saying “in my day” a lot. I’m SO OLD!) And let’s talk about losing teeth as children. You know those scenes in movies where they tie something around a loose tooth and use a heavy weight to yank it out? DON’T DO THAT! It DOES NOT work! I’ve heard of people getting seriously hurt doing that. Especially if the tooth is not loose, but the kid wants the Tooth Fairy to come, as that will cause permanent damage, so DO NOT encourage such behavior. I know we can’t control what our kids watch these days, but a lot of shows and movies show it and it is not a safe thing to do. I actually have firsthand experience and believe me, it was NOT fun. If a tooth is loose, don’t fiddle with it. (Although, in all honesty, if you’re reading this, you’ve probably shed all your baby teeth and this is kind of pointless to say, but I’m still saying it anyway). I used to yank them out, and the results were not pleasant. The best way to do it is to wiggle it back and forth with your tongue. So if you’re an adult, teach this to your kids, it’s very important to know. And also, let’s talk about the Tooth Fairy. In my day (again, I’m old), I got a dollar per tooth. And my mum took my fallen-out tooth right after I lost it, put it in a little plastic bag, put a dollar in a bag exactly like it when I wasn’t looking, and swapped the bags before putting the money bag under my pillow. So parents, this is a good tactic and works very well. Now, I don’t know how much parents these days give for a lost tooth. In my mum’s day, she got a quarter. Now kids probably get an obscene amount such as five dollars these days. (Gotta love inflation.) And also, kids are now con artists. They know the Tooth Fairy isn’t real, but know how to work parents to get money anyway. Kids these days don’t believe in anything (Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Great Pumpkin, to name a few), they just want the presents. (And now I’m saying “kids these days,” I AM old!) But telling young kids about them being made up can now be considered emotionally scarring, so just go along with it.

            And I would be remiss if I complained about teeth and not mention dentists. Going to the dentist, well, I’d rather have gotten stuck in the DMV for seven hours then deal with that scraping hook. Lucky me, I don’t have to go to the dentist anymore, but yeah, going to the dentist? Not fun. And going to the dentist is important, don’t let your kids tell you they don’t want to go, and if you want, you can tell them my story, that’s horrifying enough to make your kids want to go, having every tooth in your mouth pulled out all at once, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. (Okay, maybe I would for some people, but I will keep them to myself.) Novocain only does just so much. But, I mean, let’s face it, who ACTUALLY WANTS to go to the dentist? (If you answer yes, I would actually dislocate my jaw in surprise.) I don’t think even dentists want to go to the dentist. Pretty sadistic job, in my opinion. I don’t know if any of you agree or disagree with me, like I said, this is all my own personal opinion, feel however you want to about everything I’ve just typed, I welcome dissent. And if you are on medications, going to the dentist is extremely important, I would know the effects if you don’t, as much as you hate it.

            Okay, hopefully you don’t equate this post as painful as having a tooth pulled, but I think we should start wrapping this up. If you’re still reading this post up to this point, thank you, you are THE BEST. Now, for those of you who have never been to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin before, I will say that I do not just write these stupid things. I write reviews of mostly Marvel Comics books and comics, and I have done literally dozens of them. I also write short fiction and nonfiction, I actually have an idea high up on this to-do list, I have a whole bunch of index cards right now with ideas I have to tackle, as I had been injured really badly and couldn’t write. I also have some poetry on this blog (even though I personally hate, don’t understand and can’t format, do I do free-verse poetry in mostly epic poetry format). I also write pieces about mental health, illness, and wellness, which are actually important topics, but don’t get many reads. I post often. Like I said, have plenty of ideas. There’s plenty to find on this blog to like and enjoy, and now I’ll finish off with three more simple words: Tim Cubbin… out!