B'ings: Phone Numbers

            Howdy, y’all, and welcome to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin (I have no idea why I say “howdy, y’all,” I’m a born and bred suburban New Yorker, and we might feature my accents in other posts, but that’s NOT why we’re here this time, we’re here about… well, we’re going to get to it in a few sentences). You probably have figured out I’m Tim Cubbin… or am I? I could be someone talking about Tim Cubbin, or using the name Tim Cubbin as a pseudonym… but I actually AM Tim Cubbin in this case, so yeah, that puts that to bed.

            Anywhoo (does anyone say that anymore, or am I just old. I’m more inclined to say the latter option is what is the truth), let’s discuss what I am talking about in the title of this post: “B’ing: Phone Numbers.” Some of you have been here before, so y’all know what a B’ing is, but I know there are some of you who are just curious by reading the title or tags on whatever led you here, so I feel an exposition is required (and I love using fancy words, I am a licensed journalist with no true job, but I want to write, so I write for you guys for free, you thank you for coming, thank me for doing this out of the goodness of my heart), so I’ll give you one. A “B’ing” is an abbreviation of a word I don’t want to use as this blog is G-Rated, but it also translates to “complaint,” which I’ve probably used as a tag to lure you here (I write my posts on Microsoft Word then copy and paste to this blog site, so I don’t know ahead of time my tags or hashtags before time. I use Word because as I type it, I keep a professional formatting, Times New Roman, 12 point, double-spaced, as many college students will know from typing their papers), so I hope you know the word I mean. I’M NOT GOING TO SAY IT! Just use your imagination, add four letters after the “B” before the “ing” and you’ll get it. If you haven’t gotten it yet, I hope you’ll learn it before we finish this post. If not… well, then there’s no hope for you (I know, I don’t sound professional. I mean, run-on sentences, snarkiness, grammatical errors don’t seem professional, but they’re actually all done on purpose. I’m not employed by any organizations so I can write however I want, so nyah, nyah to anyone who wants to b’ing about my work)

 I totally leave this up to you now, if you want to like or dislike my work, I can’t force you to accept what is totally going to be my most pointless B’ing so far, and if y’all want to jump off this crazy train, this is our first stop. If you stay on the train, I thank you, and I will tell you how I feel about you after a few more stops.

I hope you’re not getting off at this stop so I can make my pointless point ever.

So, I’m going to talk to you about phone numbers. This is going to be so weird, I promise you this. I’m going to tell you I have bipolar disorder and obsessive/compulsive disorder, so minor things bother me, and when I’m bothered, I write. I’ve written this before, but I’m only posting this draft to the blog less than an hour after I’ve finished I’ve finished composing, so this is what you’re getting to read. I also make lists a lot, so, like I said, I’ve drafted this before, but this is what you get, so I truly hope you’ll be receptive to this post, and if not (and I HATE to say this) you can decide to get off at the next stop, but I thank you if you’ll stay on this crazy train.

And here is our next stop.

Yay, you’re still on the crazy train. Now: phone numbers. I’ll start with the number of numbers. If you live in the United States of America, like me, and know how to use a phone (which I think any two month old or older knows how to do), you know a phone number is composed of eleven numbers. WHY IS A PHONE NUMBER ELEVEN NUMBERS? Is there a significance to this? Does anyone know why? If you do, please leave the reason in a comment, either on this blog site if you have gmail, or a comment on the Twitter site you’re looking at, that’d be AWESOME!

Okay, we’re now at our next stop. I hope you’ll keep on going, as this is only going to get weirder and post more interesting thoughts.

Okay, if you live in the United States and dial a phone number not in the same area code as you (and we will visit this on the next destination on the crazy train), you have to dial the number 1. WHY? WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF 1? If you do know why, tell me and all of my other passengers why because I would honestly like to know.

We’re at our next stop, but we’re nowhere near the end of the line.

Why do we have to dial an area code? And why do people in neighboring cities/towns/villages have an area code nowhere NEAR the area code or your neighboring city/town/village. For example, my area code is 845. The nearest cities/towns/villages to me with a different area code is 914. 845 AND 914 ARE NOWHERE NEAR EACH OTHER! What is the meaning of this? If you know the answer, you know what to do for all the passengers and me, the conductor, because I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!

We’re now at our next stop.

Next question: Why is an area code three numbers? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? And why are there seven digits after this? I’m making up a number, and I honestly hope no one actually has this number and is plagued by other passengers for having this number, so everyone, PLEASE DO NOT call this number. Why is a number like 1-525-671-9918? If you know, you know what to do.

We’ve reached our next stop.

Now we’re going to talk about neighboring numbers. My house actually has two phone lines. And yet, they are nowhere even near being similar! Don’t you think that two numbers IN THE SAME HOUSE would be close to each other? And why don’t my neighbors have a phone number that seems similar? Shouldn’t it be like someone has 1-525-671-9918 as their closest neighbor have 1-525-671-9919? My next door neighbor’s phone number is NOTHING like mine. I find that VERY odd. Again, if you know, please fill myself and everyone else in.

Next stop, but please don’t hop of the crazy train right here.

Okay, now I’ve come to the truest point of this being a B’ing. I have a HUGE pet peeve when it comes to phone numbers. Now, I honestly don’t think you’ll commiserate with me here as this complaint is really stupid, but this is my blog, I’m giving my two cents (why is it two cents, by the way? Such an odd amount). As I said before, I have obsessive/compulsive disorder, and I like things to be exact. So if we accept a phone number as eleven digits, why do some companies take their phone number to spell out a word, and yet have it exceed eleven digits? And how does anyone even get the right to have their phone number spell out a word? That seems really weird? But that’s beside the point. Say we have a lawyer named David Schnitz (I know, dumb name, it just came to me, so that’s what we’re going on about, and if your name is David Schnitz, I apologize if someone calls your number) why answers a lot of questions (I don’t know why I said he’s a lawyer and answers questions, and I honestly hope I didn’t just give you a swamp of phone calls, I just thought lawyer and that’s the career that popped into my head). So somehow, he managed to get the phone number 1-212-ASK-DAVID. Congrats on that, by the way, awesome number. So converting the words into numbers, David Schnitz’s phone number is 1-212-275-32843. THAT’S NOT A TRUE PHONE NUMBER! The last 3 is superfluous! There’s no point to it! I know this nitpicking sounds stupid and minor, but some of us with OCD will be peeved by this. And if you have OCD and have never read one of my B’ings before, feel free to look at more of them as some do address the condition as well, you might find my views compelling to those of us with this disorder.

We’re now at our last stop, but please don’t get off just yet! We’re not at the end of the line yet!

Now we’re going to touch on extensions. Some numbers will require extensions when calling an office to reach specific persons/departments. For example, say have a company called Mind Corporation. Their number is 1-914-682-7941, but they have different departments. So if you want to reach Sally Johnston, the vice president, you dial 1-914-682-7941 and are prompted to dial an extension to reach her, and must dial ext. 974, but if you want to reach James Redding, the CEO, you must dial ext. 841. First off, sometimes the extensions are nowhere near each other. Second, there must be so many possible phone numbers Mind Corporation could acquire, why can’t everyone have their own separate numbers. There’ve got to be so many numbers available, why are extensions required? Seems like a waste to available phone numbers to have extensions.

Welp, this is the end of the line. You’ve stayed with me the whole times, so you are THE BEST! I appreciate you’re still here and stuck with me through this whole ride on the crazy train! You may now hop off, and maybe board another line of crazy trains. I’ve done several B’ings, and there are so much already posted, and so many in my mind to put on this blog, so totally keep coming back. I also write short stories, poetry, editorials (as I AM a journalist), prose/graphic novel reviews, and so much more. You’ve got over sixty more rides you can do, so if you read more of my work, you are THE BEST! And if I wasted several minutes of your time, that’s fine, I can’t expect you to agree with me, you being you, and me being me, this is just my mind and my blog so I’m saying my peace. And as for saying my peace, I’m letting you go with three words: Tim Cubbin… out! 

B'ings: Bounty Paper Towel Commercials Part 2

 

            Hey, you’ve found your way into From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! I’m your guide, Tim Cubbin!

            So, we’re doing this: another B’ing! If you say you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ve done about ten others of this, so feel free to check out other posts, but finish reading this first. Oh, all right, I keep this blog G-Rated, so I’m not going to write out the whole “B’ing” word and now I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination. Of course, some of you already have read my B’ings, so, yeah, you know, but I just had to tell the newbies what I’m talking about, and thank you for your patience.

            So, you may have noticed this is Bounty Paper Towels Commercials Part 2, which obviously means I did another post on this topic (okay, maybe not obviously, I might be tricking you into BELIEVING I’ve done a part one when I actually haven’t. But yes, I did do another post about Bounty Paper Towels Commercials, so I’m not lying). Well, I talked about the commercials four months ago, but there have been new commercials since, so we’re going to talk about them now and I’m going to complain about them. There are some of you who have possibly seen them, so you’ll know what I’m talking about, but some of you don’t watch cable television of DVR your television shows and zip through the commercial breaks so have never seen the commercials I’m about to talk about and will now hear about these commercials for the first time, and if you really want to see them, someone on YouTube probably has them on their pages, so you can look them up and watch them.

            Okay, the first commercial we’re going to analyze is what I will call “The Lottery Ticket.” So it starts with a guy watching a television. He is holding a lottery ticket, listening to the lottery numbers on the television. His wife/girlfriend (the commercial doesn’t confirm their relationship) is going through the mail. He has a drink on the table in front of him, by the way, and this is EXTREMELY important for more of the commercials. The numbers are called one by one. As the numbers are called, he repeats the numbers. He then realizes all his numbers have been called and that they all match, he puts the ticket down and calls out “We won! We won!” and throws up his arms. As he throws up his hands, he knocks over the glass. The drink starts to flow towards the lottery ticket placed down on the table. He screams a long, drawn out “NO!” and throws up his arms. His wife/girlfriend throws the mail in the air and screams a long, drawn out “NO!” The man on the television who read the numbers throws up his hands in front of him and screams a long, drawn out “NO!” Then a roll of paper towels is placed down on the table and the announcer speaks on a voice over (I can’t remember it all, but says that it cleans up messes in several words that probably aren’t needed). Afterwards, the wife/girlfriend walks over to the husband/boyfriend, snatches up the ticket and says “I’ll take that.” I think there’s another voice over, and then the commercial ends. Now, there are three things that bother me in this commercial. First is the ticket on the table. If your winning lottery ticket is on the table, snatch it up as soon as possible. Throwing up your arms in the air while a drink creeps towards your winning lottery ticket is pretty dumb. He totally had enough time to pick it up before the drink reached it. I mean, honestly. The second thing is the man on the television. Why is a man who reads the lottery numbers throwing out his hands and screaming “NO!” when he’s on the TELEVISION? He’s not there, he can’t see the drink creeping towards the winning ticket, so how does he know what’s going on in the room (presumably the kitchen? He has absolutely no reason to scream “NO!” as if he’s there and can see what’s happening. The third thing that bothers me is the roll of Bounty paper towels put down in front of the spill to prevent the ticket from getting soaked. If this happens, you don’t have time to put a paper towel in front of the spill before the winning ticket gets ruined, especially if YOUR ARMS ARE IN THE AIR! I don’t even think that’s possible to get a paper towel in front of a spill, even if your arms aren’t in the air. So, to me, the commercial is just superiorly flawed.

            A second commercial finds a woman looking at a tablet with a younger man (presumably her son) over her shoulder. She is swiping through pictures on an online dating site. She swipes left, saying “No, no, no,” then stops and says “I like him!” She also has a drink next to her tablet. In the process of swiping, she knocks over the drink. The liquid proceeds to spill and creep towards the tablet. The woman screams a long, drawn out “NO!” The younger man screams a long and drawn out “NO!” The man on the tablet screams out a long and drawn out “NO!” Que up the narration and saving of the tablet from the spill the same as the prior commercial. The end of the commercial is brought on as the younger man says “He’s an eight,” to which the older woman says with an emphasis “He’s a nine.” We now have pretty much the same complaints; pick up the tablet, the man on the tablet screaming “No!” when the picture on the tablet is a still image, and getting the tablet protected with paper towels when there’s no possible way to get a paper towel in front of it. Again, like the prior commercial, I feel it’s flawed.

            I do believe that those are the only two new commercials since my previous Bounty paper towels commercial. And if any more commercials hit the television, I’ll probably revisit this for a part 3. So, if you’re here, you’ve made it through my stupidity and are THE BEST! I mean, this whole post is pointless, but I did it anyway, so if you’re here, you either like me or are just very patient. So you can expect more stupidity from me, including more B’ings, prose and graphic novel reviews, short stories, poetry, editorials (I am a certified journalist with no actual current job and I do this blog with no pay out of the kindness of my heart), and plenty of other content, so please come back for more pieces of my mind, and follow, comment (which NO ONE has ever done before), retweet, whatever you can on the platform you used to find this post, and I now say to you, goodbye and Tim Cubbin… out!

Therapy

            Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! I’m Tim Cubbin! If you’re here, you are THE BEST! My regulars will know I say that very often on this blog, and I honestly mean it! You may have scrolled by this post completely uninterested, said “Meh,” and moved past. But, you! YOU decided to read my post, and that means A LOT to me because the topic is rather taboo, people don’t like to talk about it. But, you! YOU decided to read this post anyway. So for that, THANK YOU, and I hope you are compelled by what I’m presenting to you now!

            So I know that some of you know me as family or friend. Some of you know me from reading prior entries on this blog page. Some of you don’t even know me at all but thought this would be an interesting read as you scrolled past. However you are here, whyever you are here (autocorrect tells me “whyever” is not a real word, but I think it SHOULD be, so I’m using the word “whyever” whyever I want), I’m glad you’re giving me a chance. This blog is my job, but I don’t get paid, but I do this anyway because I care about my content and wish to share my views on all kinds of niche topics with y’all (I’m a New Yorker, yet I say “y’all.” I don’t know why), so by acknowledging me, you’re doing me a great service.

            But I digress. I’m here, typing on my computer keys, to talk about therapy. For the record, I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a fact that I purposely share because I’m not ashamed of it. Some people with mental illness are often embarrassed by their “disease.” I’m telling you, if you’re bipolar, or autistic, or have ADHD, or OCD, of mentally retarded, I’m telling you this: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! You can’t choose how you’re BORN, but you CAN choose how you LIVE. I spent years embarrassed when I was put on Ritalin for ADD (which was actually a misdiagnosis and caused me a lot of trouble for almost ten years). In school, I had to take medication midday, and that meant I had to go to the school nurse every lunch period. I was ashamed and hoped no one saw me in the nurse’s office to blab to the other students, and if I tried to avoid or forgot about the medication, I was called to the nurse’s office on the loudspeaker, so to me, I was in a lose/lose situation. If I was seen taking medications, the bullies would jump on any chance to make my school days difficult. I was always afraid someone would find out. I also learned how to fake taking the medication by faking taking them in my mouth then stealthily pocketed the pill, and was able to trick the nurse, because that seemed “cool.” If you’re a student in school and reading this, it might be best NOT to try to hang with the “cool kids” as they might not really be “cool” after all. I mean, there are exceptions, but most of the “cool kids” in my schools were jerks. So medications were my dirty little secret. Now, I know if you’re reading this, there may be a chance you feel this way too. If you are on meds, again, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! THERE IS NO NEED TO FEEL EMBARRASSED! If these little tablets make your condition better, wouldn’t you rather be taking them? People with diabetes have to test their blood sugar and take insulin. It’s not a reason to be embarrassed, it’s just part of their life. I’m actually on medications for epilepsy and hypertension. I want to avoid having seizures or high blood pressure so I can have a good quality of life. This should not be embarrassing to me (and it’s honestly not). So if Ritalin makes you focus through your ADHD, or lithium can prevent manic bipolar episodes, wouldn’t that actually be a GOOD thing? I would think so. So if kids in your school think it’s “uncool” to be on medications, they’re probably the uncool ones. So if you’re on medications, you don’t have to share this with anyone, but you shouldn’t be afraid of being seen taking meds. It’s part of life, YOUR life, it ALWAYS will be, so you honestly shouldn’t be ashamed.

            So let’s get to my main point; therapy. If you take meds for mental illness, such as for bipolar disorder, you probably see a psychiatrist and/or therapist to evaluate your condition and prescribe your medications. You may be embarrassed by this, sitting in a room talking about your “feelings” for forty-five minutes. You may hate it, even dread it. I will also state that therapy may be more difficult for males because males are raised, particularly by fathers, to not talk about such things. Fathers may say things to their sons like “Man up,” or “Walk it off.” Some parents will not even try to conceive that there is nothing “wrong” with their children (and mental illness does not mean that anything is “wrong” with a child). My dad didn’t. He didn’t believe in mental illness, or medication, or therapy. I was just, his word, “abnormal.” I’m not the perfect mini-Mike, or a doctor, or a lawyer, or famous, or rich son that he wanted, and if you are none of those things, again, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! You can’t always be the kid your parents want, and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! No one is perfect! And there is NO SUCH THING as “normal.” How can anyone be “normal” since no two people are the same? How is there a paragon of “normal” if we are all different? She gets good grades; does that make her “normal?” He’s a football star; is he “normal?” How is “normal” defined? He’s in ninth grade and he can’t read at a ninth grade level; he must be “abnormal.” She can’t sit still for more than three minutes; that makes her “abnormal.” The word “normal” when applied to human beings, really SHOULDN’T apply. But let’s get back to therapy. Sure you may not like it, it may make you feel that there is something wrong with you, you may feel that you’d rather be anywhere else for those forty-five minutes. Look, I get it, I honestly get it. I used to hate therapy. My doctors were just so boring, acting all high-and-mighty, telling me how things should be. I had therapy once a month, and I did not look forward to that day. But think about it: you watch a television show you like, go to school or the office the next day and talk all about it with your friends and coworkers. So if you have something bothering you, wouldn’t you like to talk about THAT as well? A fellow student calls you a really bad name and the principal doesn’t do anything to punish that kid. If you go to a therapist, you can talk it through. What did this student call you? Why did he call you that? Why did this bother you? How did it make you feel? What did you do after he called you that name? Doesn’t talking about this with someone understanding, nonjudgmental make you feel better? I’ve truly come to appreciate a therapist. If I yell at someone, why did I do it and how did it make me feel? Did it make me feel better? Was there really a reason to have done that? Did it solve anything? What could I have done instead? My therapist really makes me think about it so it doesn’t happen again. I actually have a safety plan. What are my triggers? What can I do before a crisis starts? Who can I talk to? What can I do instead of a crisis? This really helps me. And she helps me set goals. It feels so good to go to my therapist and report my feelings. Did I want to yell? Did I actually not yell? Did I yell? What did I do when I felt like yelling? What did I do? What did/could have done instead? If I’m successful, the reassurance is just so good. If I’m not, it just helps to know what I should do next time a crisis approaches. Now, I can’t expect you to do this, but I go to therapy weekly. It’s a great feeling to be able to go to her and tell her I made it through a week without crisis, sometimes I don’t feel good about how my week went, but talking about it just helps me. I have a set day and time every week, and my progress in treatment is important to me. I also see my psychiatrist every four weeks to discuss how the medications are working for me, make adjustments, talk about important life events. I don’t dread it like I used to. I find it to be that therapy is not bad, and it does so much for me. So honestly, if you are in therapy, if you are on medications, if you are diagnosed with mental illness, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. If you feel like you need help, than you should probably get it. There’s NOTHING wrong with that, with asking for help.

            If you’re here, you are THE BEST! I hope my advice can be of help to you. You totally don’t have to agree with me. If you don’t think any of what I said applies to you, I actually invite you to ignore what I said and go on and read the end of this essay. I can’t tell YOU how YOU should feel or think, this is how I feel and how it applies to ME! I hope my essay was compelling, clear, and concise. I write plenty of other blog content such as more editorials, short stories, poetry, and book reviews, so if you liked this post, feel free to continue to peruse the blog, get a feel of how my thoughts work, and now I say to you, as always, Tim Cubbin… out! 

What Super Power Would I Want?

            Hey guys, welcome (back) to the Mind of One Tim Cubbin! I am your guide through an odd perspective of life, Tim Cubbin! I am a certified journalist, but cannot find a real job, so I started this blog so I could get my work out there is some way, shape, or form. I’m actually disabled, so that’s why finding a job is difficult, and all of my job applications have been either ignored or rejected, and a tabloid job just isn’t easily achievable to my personality. I mean, in this blog I get to be me, so this is actually perfect. Anyway, here we are. I’ve done over sixty posts on this blog, and I love doing this, so I keep churning out more for your reading pleasure and to make me feel like I have a purpose in life. Also, I’m living with bipolar disorder, which is why I am so… unconventional. I refuse to say “weird” or “crazy,” I find those words highly insulting, just call me… “Unique.” That’s a nice word.

            Anyway, people who know me, whether personally as a friend or family member, or people who’ve read my blog before, know I am a HUGE comic book, science fiction, horror, super hero, and Marvel fan. And I think we’ve all thought at some point in our lives, “Wouldn’t it be cool to have super powers?” I mean, some people would think, “I wouldn’t it be awesome to be a super hero?” We’ll get back to this thought in just a little bit, so hang in there, keep reading, and stay with me, the following thought wouldn’t be right at this point in my essay.

            Now, I’ve thought about this A LOT over the course of my life, “What if I had super powers?” I actually just saw on Facebook a couple of days ago that “If you could have any super power, what would you want to have?” Again, let’s get back to that, I actually have another thought that we’ll come back to and talk about another thing.

Now, who believes in extrasensory perception (ESP)? I know some of you say yes, many of you will say no. You may now choose NOT to believe what I’m about to say, but it’s something I believe to be true. In fact, it’s pretty much hereditary in my family. It’s been passed down for at least four generations (me being the latest). It’s manifested in different forms in the family, including precognitive dreams, a sense of specific death, and predictions. For me, it’s been described as intuitivity (which is, apparently not considered a real word. Hmm?). I’m actually able to subconsciously feel instant odds, and predict the most likely to occur. No, it doesn’t work for personal gain, so I’m not good at blackjack or predicting lottery numbers, it’s just very minor. For example, in roleplaying video games, when an enemy is about to appear, I can tell what it will be, and the best way to defeat it, which is very helpful. However, this doesn’t work in other video games, so in those, I’m often blindsided and not actually very good. I can even foresee certain choices a person will make on things in game shows, card games, and sometimes figure out plot lines on television shows. My specialties include “Wheel of Fortune” (I can predict exactly how specific player will play the game, such as called letters and chosen bonus puzzles, even predict who will win, and if they’ll solve the bonus puzzle. I’ve never applied to be a contestant, and I honestly should, but if I made it on the show, the wheel would go against me and I wouldn’t be the big winner, but I also wouldn’t get the $1,000 “pity prize.”); card games like Old Maid, Go Fish, and Uno; and soap operas (I could probably create and write a pretty successful show). To put it as simply as possible, and to quote Peter David’s “X-Factor (2005)” character Layla Miller, “I know stuff.” I honestly don’t expect you to believe me, sometimes I can’t even believe it myself, but I do know things a little before they happen, and I demonstrate signs of ESP. So if you believe in ESP, you can suspect I do have it. If you don’t believe in ESP, then you can just scoff and think I’m the aforementioned “w” or “c” words (which would offend me if you said them to my face), I can’t force you to believe me. It’s just all up to you.

I hope my last paragraph didn’t deter you from reading the rest of this post, so if you’re still here, you are THE BEST! Anyway, let’s get on to the point of this essay: If I could have any super power, what would I want? Now, some people would want telekinesis (the ability to move things with your mind), some would want to be able to heal from any wound, some would want telepathy (the ability to read minds), some would want to have metamorphosis (the ability to change ones shape), some would want teleportation (the ability to shift from place to place in location), there are so many options. Me? Well, I’d want two things to grow out of my back: wings! I would love to be able to fly. I’m disabled, so having functioning wings that would allow me to fly, it would be the best thing in the world for me. I’d love to feel the wind in my face as my wings spread and allow me to soar in the skies. It would just be wonderful.

Now, there is another question a person with super powers may ask themselves: “What will I do with my super powers?” This is such an important question. If I had wings, what would I do with them? I could be a super hero, rescue people from things like burning buildings, or get people to places they need to get to quickly. There are several things I could do. Or I could be a super villain, like steal something and fly away before I could be caught, or pick people up and drop them from heights to kill them. Or I could just use my powers for myself. I just use them to fly from one place to another quickly and only for that purpose. I would not want to be a hero or a villain. Like I said, I would just fly for transportation or just for the feeling of being able to fly. I would use them just for myself.

Okay, well, let’s wrap this up. If you’re still here, you are THE BEST! So, I guess I’m done wasting your time. I hope you enjoyed this, and if you are on Twitter, it would be awesome if you shared what super power YOU would want and we could have a conversation going, but if not, well, that’s up to you. So I release you from this torture, and just say, as always, Tim Cubbin… out!

"The Hellfire Gala"

 

            The following is a review of the Marvel Comics Event “The Hellfire Gala.”

            Okay, folks, it’s time for another Tim Cubbin Marvel review, of which I’ve done more than a dozen of. This time, we’ll take a looksee at “The Hellfire Gala.” I HATE to use profanity on this blog, but it’s in the title, so I have to say it, please forgive me. I hope you’re here because you’re an X-Men fan, but whether or not you are or aren’t, you’re here, so you are THE BEST! Now, some of you have read a review or more of mine before, but some haven’t, so for those who haven’t, I shall explain the flow, and if you’ve read one of my reviews before, just hang in there, we’ll get to the good stuff soon. First: I give my boring introduction. Second: I give a description of the main players in the story. Third: I give a synopsis of the story. Fourth: I voice my own personal opinions on the story, such as my likes and dislikes on the content of the story. Fifth: I say what background knowledge prior to the story I feel is needed for optimal enjoyment of the story, such as how easy it is for casual or nonfans to pick up and understand (which, you can, of course, choose to disregard, that is all up to you). Sixth: I give you my own personal numeric score of the story as a whole (I’ll explain the scale when we get there). Seventh: I tell you about other content in my blog, then sign off. Got that? Good (I hope you said yes, because if not, the good is a mistake and you may disregard the word, but please stay and read the rest anyway and you should be able to get this as we go)!

            Okay, so you’ve read the flow, BUT! This review is going to be a little different as “The Hellfire Gala” took place over every “Reign of X” series, so I’ll start with the main idea of “The Hellfire Gala” and say each series’ part in the event, and tell a little about the titular character(s) of the series. So. “The Hellfire Gala.” The mutants of the mutant island nation of Krakoa are holding a party. The guests are dignitaries from almost every country on the planet to further human/mutant relations. Also, most of the mutants of Krakoa are in attendance, as long as they will present themselves favorably to humans (we don’t want mutants who will scare the bajeebies out of the regular humans). Every X-Team played a specific role to the Gala, and now I’ll tell you that role.

            “Marauders.” The Marauders are the face of the Hellfire Trading Company. They are assigned titles in the Company based on chess pieces and the colors black, white, and red (for example, Emma Frost is the White Queen, Sebastian Shaw is the Black King, and Lucas Bishop is the Red Bishop, just to establish my point). They are the group that planned and execute the Gala.

            “X-Force.” X-Force are a black-ops mutant team. They provide security to the Gala to make sure nobody comes who shouldn’t be there.

            “Hellions.” The Hellions (sorry, profanity) are a team that have questionable morals, led by Nathaniel Essex/Mister Sinister. They are NOT invited to the Gala, and yet decide to attend anyway.

            “Excalibur.” Excalibur is a group of mutants led by Betsy Braddock/Captain Britain. They were assigned to watch specific gateways into Krakoa.

            “X-Men.” The X-Men are a group of mutant superheroes. One of the main focuses of the Gala is to elect the new primary X-Men team to present to the world.

            “Children of the Atom.” The Children of the Atom are a group of teenage mutant wannabees. They’re not ACTUALLY mutants, but they go around pretending that they are. They want to go to Krakoa, but being teenage mutant wannabees, they are NOT invited, but try to attend anyway as this is the night the gateways to Krakoa are open to non-mutants.

            “Planet-Size X-Men.” This is a story of a terraforming that shocks, amazes, scares, and even offends several world leaders and has both positive and negative impacts.

            “New Mutants.” The New Mutants were originally a group of young mutants who were the second iteration of Charles Xavier/Professor X’s students after the original X-Men were presumed dead. The original team now trains the newest generation of young mutants to use their powers for good. The original New Mutants babysit the X-Kids to make sure they keep out of the proceedings.

            “X-Corp.” The X-Corporation is an extension of the Hellfire Trading Company meant to be a mutant corporation. The board is meant to be seated by rich and influential mutants from all over the world. They are not public yet. They are at the Gala to acquire new backers.

            “Wolverine.” James Howlett/Logan/Wolverine is a mutant with a healing factor that makes him practically un-killable and a skeleton made of the near-indestructible metal adamantium, including razor claws that extend from his hands. He is the leader of X-Force and is needed to deal with some uninvited “guests.”

            “S.W.O.R.D.” Sentient World Observation and Response Department is a mutant group whose base the Peak hovers in space in orbit around Krakoa. They are involved with the aforementioned terraforming.

            “Way of X.” Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler can teleport. He watches over the mutants who have not been invited to the Gala due to their appearances that would not appeal to the eyes of the non-mutant world leaders.

            “X-Factor.” X-Factor investigates crimes against mutants. They are involved in maintaining the status quo of the guests.

            “Cable.” Nathan Summers/Cable is a time-traveler who actually has no part in the Gala but as his issue is included as part of the reading list of “The Hellfire Gala” on Marvel Unlimited and his series is part of “Reign of X” I had to mention him.

            Well, now that we’ve had an in-depth look at all involved (and hopefully you’re still here, and if you are, you are THE BEST!), let’s get to my thoughts. I have to say, I was highly disappointed in the event. The Gala had been mentioned in “Reign of X” for MONTHS before the event actually happened, and each “Reign of X” series had ONE issue of the series as part of the event. I was expecting much more, like an event that lasted two or three months, and for me it just felt too short, and in some cases it even felt rushed to me. It just made me feel like I wanted more, just based on the whole buildup for the event. Also, while I usually don’t care about fashion, some of the outfits were horrendous. When I’m forced to watch the Red Carpets of award shows, I honestly don’t care when the hosts ask “who are you wearing?” Clothes are usually clothes. Occasionally I find some outfits horrendous (such as a swan dress or a meat dress), but otherwise I really don’t care. I mean, my idea of fashion is a pop-culture t-shirt/sweatshirt, shorts/jeans, white socks, and unlaced sneakers. That’s just how I always dress. So men in tuxes mean absolutely nothing to me. But reading and seeing Emma Frost’s three outfits really didn’t make me notice it. Now, of course, some outfits stood out (like David Alleyne/Prodigy’s half dress and fairy wings), many of which leaving me asking “why? What is wrong with these artists?” I mean, when Peter Parker/Spider-Man married Mary Jane Watson, actual ACTUAL fashion designers sent in sketches of dresses that Marvel actually looked at when they designed her wedding dress. I honestly don’t know if “The Hellfire Gala” actually had true designers or if the regular artists designed them, but some made me say “Wow!” while some made me say “No. Just… NO!” I mean, yes, they’re mutants, they’re supposed to go way out there when dressing for a formal event, but some of the outfits were just too way out there. Also, the newly elected X-Men that made absolutely no sense at all, some not even having been on the main X-Team before, and I just wondered why the mutants chosen could possibly have been chosen. I won’t tell you this in case you decide you want to read this, but the choices are just… odd.

            Okay, let’s talk accessibility. Of all of my dozens of reviews, I have NEVER reviewed an event that was this poorly accessible. I mean, you needed A LOT of background reading before you read this. If you want to have ANY hope of fully enjoying “The Hellfire Gala” you have to read “House of X/Powers of X,” “Dawn of X,” “X of Swords,” and all “Reign of X” titles. It’s just too much, so if you are a casual/nonreader, STAY AWAY! I HATE to say this, I really do, but to read “The Hellfire Gala,” it is A LOT of work and commitment to prepare for it and if you can’t commit, don’t even try to touch “Marauders” #21. It’s just too much. Oh, and, spoiler alert: Anna Marie/Rogue, Lorna Dane/Polaris, Laura Kinney/Wolverine, Everett Thomas/Synch, and Shiro Yoshida/Sunfire as the new X-Men? Why? Oh, and since I’ve basically said not to read this unless you’re devoted, I spoiled the new team.

            So, I know that one of the critical points in one of my reviews is the numeric score. I’ll tell you my score then move on because, honestly, I’ve said all I need to say. I am a VERY harsh scorer, as prior readers will know, I’m hard to please. My score is based on the event AS A WHOLE. My numeric score is on a scale of one-to-ten. One means “piece of trash,” ten means… well, this is NOT getting anywhere near a ten so I’m not even going to go there. I score it a three. It was just not what I was expected, I hate being disappointed like this, I felt cheated out of what I felt would be a great event, and just… no… just… no.

            Alright, we’ll now get on to my recommendation, which this is pretty much superfluous to what I’ve already said, but I just cannot recommend this. If you go online and find the graphic novel, or go to the store and see the graphic novel on the shelf, I can honestly tell you the only reason you should buy it is if you are a devoted “Reign of X” reader as this is a filler in and you just can’t break from the storyline. But if you know nothing about the X-Men or have never read an X-Men comic before, or are not a “Reign of X” reader, this IS NOT the book for you.

            And I now believe I have said enough. This has been VERY lengthy, I know, I usually don’t go on this long, but if you’re actually here reading this line, you are THE BEST! Now, I’ve done over fifty other blog posts, including, yes, a lot of Marvel reviews, but I also write essays and editorials (I am a certified journalist, but I don’t actually have a job in the field at present), short stories and poetry, so if you like this post and enjoyed my sense of humor, feel free to read any of my other posts. As for this post, however you’re reading this, please share, retweet, like, comment, follow, whatever you can, and come back for more, as the Mind of One Tim Cubbin will NEVER be out of ideas. And so I say goodbye for now, and Tim Cubbin… out!

"Maximum Carnage"

            The following is a review of the Marvel Comics event “Maximum Carnage.”

            Okay, for you new readers, my name is Tim Cubbin. I am a certified journalist but can’t find employment, so to give myself purpose, I write this blog. I write essays, editorials, short stories, reviews, and I keep promising poetry but haven’t gotten around to it but I totally definitely will soon. Pretty much all my reviews have to do with Marvel, but every once in a while I tackle other content matter. When I review comic events, they’re usually from years back, and this is no different. I have Marvel Unlimited and read A LOT of reading lists, and in honor of the theatrical release of “Venom: Let There Be Carnage” (which I want to see because Carnage is my FAVORITE Marvel super villain but because of COVID I have no movie theaters open near me so I have to [shudder] wait until Blu-ray) the programmers highlighted the “Maximum Carnage” event, so OF COURSE I read it, and my devoted followers will note I haven’t posted anything in a while, so I said to myself, “Well, I read it, now I’ll review it” and now here we are. Again, new readers don’t know how my reviews work, and I’m sorry to my regulars that I have to explain this and you know how I roll, so here’s the deal: first I give my monologue (which I am obviously doing right now), then I give a synopsis of the story. This will also contain certain descriptions of characters for people who have no idea who Spider-Man and Carnage are. Then I go on to my review. My reviews consist of four parts. Part one: my own follow-up thoughts. Part two: accessibility (for my new readers who don’t know what I mean, just stay with me, I’ll explain when we get there). Part three: my numerical score (again new readers, I’ll explain my system when I get there). Part four: do I recommend this to others and if so, why? Then I write a few sentences and log out. You with me? Good! (You are with me, right? If you aren’t, I honestly don’t know what to say. Please be with me?)

            I think the best place to start will be to describe a bit about Spider-Man and Carnage (like I said I would). First off, Spider-Man. Peter Parker was fifteen years old. He was orphaned as a child and lived with his Aunt May and Uncle Ben. He was top student in grades, but was heavily bullied. One day, he went to a radiology demonstration. A spider got in the way of the radioactive rays. As it died, it bit Peter Parker and then Cindy Moon (Cindy however, has nothing to do with this story, she wasn’t revealed to have existed until quite a while later, so we’ll just leave her out of this, but I had to be totally correct here and mentioned her). Peter gained spider-like abilities: adhesive fingertips and toes; the proportional speed, strength, and agility of a spider; and a precognitive sense of danger which he calls “spider-sense.” He also created web shooters, which he uses to travel New York City faster, to restrain bad guys, and to save others in danger. At first, he wanted to use his powers to make money. After a television appearance, Peter let a burglar run past him, figuring it was nothing to him, why should he get involved? That burglar broke into the Parker residence and murdered Peter’s Uncle Ben. Peter caught him, and thought of something his Uncle Ben used to say: “With great power there must also come great responsibility.” (That’s how it was said in the comics. If you’ve only seen the movies, it was misquoted as “With great power comes great responsibility,” but we’re talking the comics, so “there must also come” is what I’m going with). After that, he decided to use his powers for good use and make the world a better and safer place. He has a very extensive rogue’s gallery, but of all of his enemies, Carnage is among the most dangerous.

            Cletus Kasady was a convicted serial killer, a total nutcase, with absolutely no remorse. He was held in prison (because that’s where they put convicted serial killers for life or until they are executed, of course, but Kasady just had several life’s sentences, so, yeah, jail). His cellmate was one Eddie Brock, formerly the super villain called Venom. Brock had powers from an alien creature called a Klyntar symbiote. The symbiote was brought to earth by Spider-Man after the first Secret War on Battleworld when Peter was given it after he needed a new costume for proprieties’ sake when his original was damaged. The symbiote enhanced Peter’s powers, but when Peter found out the symbiote was a living creature that was trying to bond with it, he spurned it and separated from it. The symbiote found Eddie Brock, who blamed Spider-Man for his ruined journalistic career, and they became Venom. Eddie had been separated from the symbiote after a battle with Spidey. The symbiote eventually came back and broke Eddie out of jail, but while doing so, it spawned another symbiote. This symbiote bonded with Kasady, and they became Carnage. After an intense battle with Spider-Man and Venom, Kasady had been separated from the symbiote.

            And that brings us to “Maximum Carnage.” Without the symbiote, some idiots decided to send Kasady to Ravencroft Sanatorium for study. As it turned out, the Carnage symbiote had actually entered into Kasady’s bloodstream during their bonding period and Kasady cut himself and became Carnage again. Carnage then escaped Ravencroft, busting out Frances Louise Barrison/Shriek in the process and they decided they were now husband and wife. Barrison can manipulate sound into a solid force and can release pheromones that cause negative emotions in others. Upon escape, the couple “adopted” the Spider-Man Doppelganger, the Demogoblin, and Miles Warren/Carrion. Shriek also turned a large grouping of New Yorkers into a rioting mob.

            Obviously heroes were needed to combat this situation, and Spider-Man took the lead, what with Carnage being one of his rogues. He had an epic team-up with Felicia Hardy/Black Cat, Tyrone Johnson/Cloak, Morbius the Living Vampire, the cyborg Deathlok, and (surprisingly), Venom.

            Okay, I think that’s all you need to know. Now let’s start with my own personal thoughts. Alright, I must say that I LOVED this event. I thought it was epic, one of the (possibly the) best Carnage stories I have ever read. The story was so exciting for me. I loved the Carnage “Family.” I thought this was a great grouping of villain, and I felt that “Team Spidey” was an awesome gathering. I mean, I could go on-and-on about this, but I won’t, I don’t want to bore you.

            Alright, now we go to accessibility. For you new readers to my blog intrigued by my tags, I always tell you what background information I feel is needed for optimal enjoyment of the story. I don’t give a numeric score for this, but I will usually go into background knowledge. For this event, I thought it was a great jumping in point. I feel that this is very much self-contained and that knowing nothing about Spider-Man and Carnage beyond what you’ve read in this post is more than enough to totally dig into.

            Well, now the whole reason you’re reading this: my numeric score. For you new readers, my score is based on a scale of one to ten, one being “Ugh, this was a piece of garbage!” ten being “this was one of the best stories I have EVER read!” Based on what you’ve read on this post, I’m sure you’re expecting to see very high. I will say I am a VERY harsh scorer as my regulars know, so a high score is a GREAT honor. So, my number score is… (drumroll) nine! I would love to have given this a ten, but I don’t know why, I just can’t quite do that. I just have to hold back. There’s something.

            This is now actually a first being singled out in a post, but will definitely be done in every review from now on, is if I recommend this event. Do I? YES! As I said, this is a good jump-on point for new readers, and if you like/love Carnage, you should TOTALLY read this and you most likely enjoy it. I mean, like I said, this is (one of) the best Carnage stories I’ve ever read, and Carnage is my favorite super villain, so you can’t get any higher recommendation than that.

            Okay, now, if you’re still here, you are THE BEST! I mean, you stuck with me through this whole rant, so thanks for the support! So now, please retweet, like, follow, comment, whatever you can do on the platform you found this on, that would be greatly appreciated and then you are TOTALLY THE BEST! Be ready for plenty more content, I have three more reviews on the way, and an editorial and two essays planned, so whatever, be on the lookout. If you’ve never been here before, you can check out other posts, I have done over fifty now, so yeah, plenty of stuff to read! And now, as always, until next time, Tim Cubbin… out! 

B'ings: "Jeopardy!"

 

            Howdy, everyone, welcome (back, I hope) to From the Mind of One Tim Cubbin, I am your guide, Tim Cubbin. Kay, we got that established, that’s one of the basics. Next is that this is a B’ing. I’ve done a whole bunch of these already, so if you’ve been here before you likely know what to expect, but for those who don’t, let me help you understand what a B’ing is. Look, this is a G-Rated blog, so using an actual word would go against my policy. Now do you have it? I hope so, or else you need to know American slang (Note, my snarkiness is still going to be used). Next thing to establish is that this is about the television quiz show “Jeopardy!” For those who read my first B’ing, this will likely seem similar, but we’re going to isolate and expand on my previous post. And finally, put it all together and we now have the conclusion that there is something about “Jeopardy!” that bothers me.

            Okay, let’s start with the fact that I LOVE the quiz show, “Jeopardy!” I literally watch it every weeknight on the local syndication network in New York State (although last night the New Jersey gubernatorial debate preempted it, so I couldn’t watch it last night seeing as how IT WASN’T ON!) I am a trivia buff, I have a lot of knowledge in my head, so I always play along from on my couch (I would love to be on the show, but I have to sell myself short here and say there are things I’m weak on, such as history of countries other than the United States, geography, advanced math, anagrams, and before-and-after, so I just don’t think I could quite be able to make my way onto the set). So I’m telling you this is not a complaint about the ENTIRE show in general, but on a few policies involving the show.

            My first complaint is the dollar amounts. For those who don’t know me (which probably most of you don’t, but I know there are a few of you who do), I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I always have to keep things in order, like when watching movie series, I view in order of release date instead of chronological order because there are often details that contradict that I pick up on (I’m a true nitpicker), and don’t get me started on reading comic books, I literally used to take hours deciding on what to read and in what order, and those are just a few to name as I really don’t want to waste your time talking about this here because an OCD post is going to be forthcoming, so we’ll pick up on all that there, all you need to know here is that order is VERY IMPORTANT to me. So now, let’s get onto that. Any viewer of “Jeopardy!” knows that the clue come in money values. The Jeopardy round is $200, $400, $600, $800, and $1000, the double Jeopardy round is $400, $800, $1200, $1600 and $2000. What bothers me is that there is no rule as to which order to pick the dollar amounts in. A player can pick ANY clue on the board on ANY time they choose. So, yeah, if I were on, I’d go from lowest to highest as I am a stickler for order. But there are players who will pick from highest to lowest in dollar values. I will literally growl at the television when the contestants do that, no kidding. But while this does irritate me, going in order exactly from highest dollar value to lowest dollar value doesn’t completely push me over the edge. BUT! If a player starts at, say, $800, then $600, then $1000, then $200, then $400, I will literally scream profanities at the player at the television. This makes my OCD go berserk. I mean, COME ON, there’s ascending dollar value amounts for a reason, not for you to dig around and drive those viewers with OCD insane! Yes, there are the hidden Daily Doubles that can totally jack up your score, and yes they are never at the lowest value and the same category, but it just doesn’t seem right to those with OCD or seem right to how the game seems like it should be played. Now, we’re going to briefly talk about opinions. This is also going to come up in another forthcoming post, so we’re only going to touch on this briefly, but we’re all entitled to our opinions. So you may say that this is a brilliant playing style, and there are people who agree with this, heck I agree with this, but to me it feels like there should be ascending value playing rules, and I’m entitled to my opinion, you’re allowed to yours, so if you think going all willy-nilly on this is fair, you’re entitled to feel this way (“willy-nilly,” what, am I three-hundred years old, whatever?).

            Another complaint of mine is something I feel some viewers will agree on: champions. So the winner gets to keep all the money they win and come back the next day. But I think there should be a limit to how many games a champion should be allowed to come back to. There are people with total photographic memory that can recall instantaneously and can hit the buzzer quickly and make amazing wagers. But if you’re putting in two other contestants without these abilities, is it really fair to them? It’s supposed to be an equal competition, not where the players go into Final Jeopardy and the question is not “who’s going to win” but “who’s going to place second and who’s going to place third?” This totally ruins the show for me when people are on for thirty-some-odd days who just can’t be beat. It stops seeming like “Jeopardy!” and more like “The Ken Jennings Show,” The James Holzhauer Show,” “The Brad Rutter Show,” or “The Matt Amodio Show.” It just gets to be too much for me. And I don’t think a player should become a millionaire on “Jeopardy!” Enough is enough. A limit seems fair to me. Something like a five game limit, I think that would be sufficient. “Jeopardy!” is on five nights a week on my cable provider, so five feels like a good run. But if you like the format of a person keeping on playing indefinitely, that’s your opinion, I respect that. But to me, me personally, I think a cap would be a good thing. You can agree with me, you and disagree with me, that’s all you, I won’t fault you for disagreeing with me, you’re you, I’m me, all that jazz (do people say that anymore or am I just old?).

            Alright, I’ve stated my cases, take them or leave them. I honestly don’t really think there’s anything more for me to say now, but, Tim Cubbin… out!