"The Hellfire Gala"

 

            The following is a review of the Marvel Comics Event “The Hellfire Gala.”

            Okay, folks, it’s time for another Tim Cubbin Marvel review, of which I’ve done more than a dozen of. This time, we’ll take a looksee at “The Hellfire Gala.” I HATE to use profanity on this blog, but it’s in the title, so I have to say it, please forgive me. I hope you’re here because you’re an X-Men fan, but whether or not you are or aren’t, you’re here, so you are THE BEST! Now, some of you have read a review or more of mine before, but some haven’t, so for those who haven’t, I shall explain the flow, and if you’ve read one of my reviews before, just hang in there, we’ll get to the good stuff soon. First: I give my boring introduction. Second: I give a description of the main players in the story. Third: I give a synopsis of the story. Fourth: I voice my own personal opinions on the story, such as my likes and dislikes on the content of the story. Fifth: I say what background knowledge prior to the story I feel is needed for optimal enjoyment of the story, such as how easy it is for casual or nonfans to pick up and understand (which, you can, of course, choose to disregard, that is all up to you). Sixth: I give you my own personal numeric score of the story as a whole (I’ll explain the scale when we get there). Seventh: I tell you about other content in my blog, then sign off. Got that? Good (I hope you said yes, because if not, the good is a mistake and you may disregard the word, but please stay and read the rest anyway and you should be able to get this as we go)!

            Okay, so you’ve read the flow, BUT! This review is going to be a little different as “The Hellfire Gala” took place over every “Reign of X” series, so I’ll start with the main idea of “The Hellfire Gala” and say each series’ part in the event, and tell a little about the titular character(s) of the series. So. “The Hellfire Gala.” The mutants of the mutant island nation of Krakoa are holding a party. The guests are dignitaries from almost every country on the planet to further human/mutant relations. Also, most of the mutants of Krakoa are in attendance, as long as they will present themselves favorably to humans (we don’t want mutants who will scare the bajeebies out of the regular humans). Every X-Team played a specific role to the Gala, and now I’ll tell you that role.

            “Marauders.” The Marauders are the face of the Hellfire Trading Company. They are assigned titles in the Company based on chess pieces and the colors black, white, and red (for example, Emma Frost is the White Queen, Sebastian Shaw is the Black King, and Lucas Bishop is the Red Bishop, just to establish my point). They are the group that planned and execute the Gala.

            “X-Force.” X-Force are a black-ops mutant team. They provide security to the Gala to make sure nobody comes who shouldn’t be there.

            “Hellions.” The Hellions (sorry, profanity) are a team that have questionable morals, led by Nathaniel Essex/Mister Sinister. They are NOT invited to the Gala, and yet decide to attend anyway.

            “Excalibur.” Excalibur is a group of mutants led by Betsy Braddock/Captain Britain. They were assigned to watch specific gateways into Krakoa.

            “X-Men.” The X-Men are a group of mutant superheroes. One of the main focuses of the Gala is to elect the new primary X-Men team to present to the world.

            “Children of the Atom.” The Children of the Atom are a group of teenage mutant wannabees. They’re not ACTUALLY mutants, but they go around pretending that they are. They want to go to Krakoa, but being teenage mutant wannabees, they are NOT invited, but try to attend anyway as this is the night the gateways to Krakoa are open to non-mutants.

            “Planet-Size X-Men.” This is a story of a terraforming that shocks, amazes, scares, and even offends several world leaders and has both positive and negative impacts.

            “New Mutants.” The New Mutants were originally a group of young mutants who were the second iteration of Charles Xavier/Professor X’s students after the original X-Men were presumed dead. The original team now trains the newest generation of young mutants to use their powers for good. The original New Mutants babysit the X-Kids to make sure they keep out of the proceedings.

            “X-Corp.” The X-Corporation is an extension of the Hellfire Trading Company meant to be a mutant corporation. The board is meant to be seated by rich and influential mutants from all over the world. They are not public yet. They are at the Gala to acquire new backers.

            “Wolverine.” James Howlett/Logan/Wolverine is a mutant with a healing factor that makes him practically un-killable and a skeleton made of the near-indestructible metal adamantium, including razor claws that extend from his hands. He is the leader of X-Force and is needed to deal with some uninvited “guests.”

            “S.W.O.R.D.” Sentient World Observation and Response Department is a mutant group whose base the Peak hovers in space in orbit around Krakoa. They are involved with the aforementioned terraforming.

            “Way of X.” Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler can teleport. He watches over the mutants who have not been invited to the Gala due to their appearances that would not appeal to the eyes of the non-mutant world leaders.

            “X-Factor.” X-Factor investigates crimes against mutants. They are involved in maintaining the status quo of the guests.

            “Cable.” Nathan Summers/Cable is a time-traveler who actually has no part in the Gala but as his issue is included as part of the reading list of “The Hellfire Gala” on Marvel Unlimited and his series is part of “Reign of X” I had to mention him.

            Well, now that we’ve had an in-depth look at all involved (and hopefully you’re still here, and if you are, you are THE BEST!), let’s get to my thoughts. I have to say, I was highly disappointed in the event. The Gala had been mentioned in “Reign of X” for MONTHS before the event actually happened, and each “Reign of X” series had ONE issue of the series as part of the event. I was expecting much more, like an event that lasted two or three months, and for me it just felt too short, and in some cases it even felt rushed to me. It just made me feel like I wanted more, just based on the whole buildup for the event. Also, while I usually don’t care about fashion, some of the outfits were horrendous. When I’m forced to watch the Red Carpets of award shows, I honestly don’t care when the hosts ask “who are you wearing?” Clothes are usually clothes. Occasionally I find some outfits horrendous (such as a swan dress or a meat dress), but otherwise I really don’t care. I mean, my idea of fashion is a pop-culture t-shirt/sweatshirt, shorts/jeans, white socks, and unlaced sneakers. That’s just how I always dress. So men in tuxes mean absolutely nothing to me. But reading and seeing Emma Frost’s three outfits really didn’t make me notice it. Now, of course, some outfits stood out (like David Alleyne/Prodigy’s half dress and fairy wings), many of which leaving me asking “why? What is wrong with these artists?” I mean, when Peter Parker/Spider-Man married Mary Jane Watson, actual ACTUAL fashion designers sent in sketches of dresses that Marvel actually looked at when they designed her wedding dress. I honestly don’t know if “The Hellfire Gala” actually had true designers or if the regular artists designed them, but some made me say “Wow!” while some made me say “No. Just… NO!” I mean, yes, they’re mutants, they’re supposed to go way out there when dressing for a formal event, but some of the outfits were just too way out there. Also, the newly elected X-Men that made absolutely no sense at all, some not even having been on the main X-Team before, and I just wondered why the mutants chosen could possibly have been chosen. I won’t tell you this in case you decide you want to read this, but the choices are just… odd.

            Okay, let’s talk accessibility. Of all of my dozens of reviews, I have NEVER reviewed an event that was this poorly accessible. I mean, you needed A LOT of background reading before you read this. If you want to have ANY hope of fully enjoying “The Hellfire Gala” you have to read “House of X/Powers of X,” “Dawn of X,” “X of Swords,” and all “Reign of X” titles. It’s just too much, so if you are a casual/nonreader, STAY AWAY! I HATE to say this, I really do, but to read “The Hellfire Gala,” it is A LOT of work and commitment to prepare for it and if you can’t commit, don’t even try to touch “Marauders” #21. It’s just too much. Oh, and, spoiler alert: Anna Marie/Rogue, Lorna Dane/Polaris, Laura Kinney/Wolverine, Everett Thomas/Synch, and Shiro Yoshida/Sunfire as the new X-Men? Why? Oh, and since I’ve basically said not to read this unless you’re devoted, I spoiled the new team.

            So, I know that one of the critical points in one of my reviews is the numeric score. I’ll tell you my score then move on because, honestly, I’ve said all I need to say. I am a VERY harsh scorer, as prior readers will know, I’m hard to please. My score is based on the event AS A WHOLE. My numeric score is on a scale of one-to-ten. One means “piece of trash,” ten means… well, this is NOT getting anywhere near a ten so I’m not even going to go there. I score it a three. It was just not what I was expected, I hate being disappointed like this, I felt cheated out of what I felt would be a great event, and just… no… just… no.

            Alright, we’ll now get on to my recommendation, which this is pretty much superfluous to what I’ve already said, but I just cannot recommend this. If you go online and find the graphic novel, or go to the store and see the graphic novel on the shelf, I can honestly tell you the only reason you should buy it is if you are a devoted “Reign of X” reader as this is a filler in and you just can’t break from the storyline. But if you know nothing about the X-Men or have never read an X-Men comic before, or are not a “Reign of X” reader, this IS NOT the book for you.

            And I now believe I have said enough. This has been VERY lengthy, I know, I usually don’t go on this long, but if you’re actually here reading this line, you are THE BEST! Now, I’ve done over fifty other blog posts, including, yes, a lot of Marvel reviews, but I also write essays and editorials (I am a certified journalist, but I don’t actually have a job in the field at present), short stories and poetry, so if you like this post and enjoyed my sense of humor, feel free to read any of my other posts. As for this post, however you’re reading this, please share, retweet, like, comment, follow, whatever you can, and come back for more, as the Mind of One Tim Cubbin will NEVER be out of ideas. And so I say goodbye for now, and Tim Cubbin… out!